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Headless Wedding Party - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
Headless Wedding Party
I have another couple interested in hiring me for their wedding. I meet with them Wednesday evening next week to discuss details and, potentially, sign the contract.

TODO: Send Package 2 contract
TODO: Not lose head.

This second one is very important. Like, crucial even.

1. I own and wear t-shirts featuring the logos of computer/operating system manufacturers.

2. I am over the age of 22 and live with my parents.

3. I am, according to the medical definition, obese.

4. On an average day more of my human interaction happens on message boards or in blog comments than with actual other people.

5. I have ended real friendships over arguments about computer or product choices.

6. I very seriously and passionately try to talk people into buying or switching to my OS/phone/product of choice.

7. I commonly use very specific technical jargon without considering whether or not the person I'm talking to understands it.

8. I hold an engineering or IT degree.

9. I have made a member of the opposite sex sit and watch me play video games for an hour or more.
I never make them but they have. NO?

10. I play with my phone at restaurants.

11. Almost all of my jokes are actually just catchphrases or references to The Simpsons, Family Guy, Borat, or any other popular comedic film or show.

12. I have a medical problem that makes me sweat a lot.

13. I live or have lived for an extended period completely nocturnally, sitting at my computer all night and sleeping all day.

14. I generally do not leave my home if it's not necessary for work or food retrieval.

15. I have over 50,000 Xbox 360 Gamerpoints.
HA. No.

16. I work in electronics retail.

17. I generally am only friends with other Apple people/Windows people.

18. My sense of humor is more in line with 4chan than any other comedic source.

19. I hang out exclusively with members of the same sex.

20. I own and wear a cowboy hat, Kangol hat, fedora and/or bowler.

21. I am the dominant talker in most conversations I have.

22. I think the Star Wars trilogy/Star Trek series is the greatest thing ever put to celluloid and will argue all night about it.
Jesus, no.

23. When I hang out with my friends, we usually play Risk, Axis and Allies, Dungeons and Dragons and/or Settlers of Catan.
Not any more. ;)

24. I have a level 80 character in World of Warcraft.
Level what?

25. I've dressed up as a video game character/manga character in public on a day other than Halloween.
Um.. yes. :/ I was 8, shuddup.

26. I say internet acronyms such as LOL and BRB out loud.

27. I own a sword, nunchucks and/or throwing stars.

28. I'm an obsessive collector.

29. I make my own image macros.

30. I am really, really into my cat. Like, really.

31. I have corrected someone's spelling or grammar on a message board or in blog comments.

32. I have authored and obsessively updated Wikipedia entries about cartoons from the 80's.

33. I breathe through my mouth, mostly.
Ah, allergy meds. NO

34. I've read all of the greatest novels ever published, all of which happen to be graphic novels.

35. I suffer from halitosis and/or a laziness-based aversion to dental hygiene.

36. I vote for politicians based on their stance on net neutrality.
Not exclusively, no.

37. My dream girl has eyes the size of dinner plates, is part robot or, optimally, both.

38. I am a very active member of a private, invite-only BitTorrent tracker with extremely strict ratio/bitrate requirements.
These exist?

39. I regularly ingest caffeine through unconventional means.

40. I'm convinced that I would be happier if I worked on the Starship Enterprise.
Not really, no

41. I do things for the "lulz."
Yes. 100% of the time....

42. I always have the last word in online arguments. Always.

43. I wear sweatpants more than any other type of pants.
A number of people have permission to hurt me if I did this.

44. I am a guy and I have a ponytail.
Not anymore!

45. I believe that it's the rest of the world that's awkward and I actually have everything pretty much figured out.
Nope. I have nothing figured out. At all.

46. I have a hard drive exclusively dedicated to porn.
No. That's what XNXX.com is for (NWS, you dolt)

47. I write letters to companies and consumer interest blogs whenever I feel that I've been wronged.

48. I'm married in Second Life but single in real life.
I won't touch that game.

49. I read Gizmodo more than the New York Times.

50. I am offended by this test.

13 points
0-10 Points
-11-20 Points
-21-30 Points
-31-40 Points
-41-49 Points
-50 Points

23 comments or Leave a comment
kiwikat From: kiwikat Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
Re 38: I'm in one of those. If your ratio goes down too far you get kicked out!

Second life is the creepiest game ever.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
What's the benefit of said excloooosive groups?
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: February 3rd, 2009 09:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Moor pirating, moor safely! Yar!
abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 09:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I want NOTHING TO DO with the Moors. Did you see the way Azeem chucked his scimitar into the witch in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves? Fucking scary, man.
zesty_pinto From: zesty_pinto Date: February 3rd, 2009 10:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I knew you weren't down to be chillin' wit da moors, yo. Saracen REPRESENT!
kiwikat From: kiwikat Date: February 4th, 2009 12:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Less universities/etc trying to track your downloads (but they have programs to block them anyway), higher-quality downloads, easier to find what you want, they always have more seeds than normal torrent sites.
assfingers From: assfingers Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
you had a ponytail?

me too
abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yup. I think I have a crappy picture of it somewhere...
assfingers From: assfingers Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure I have many. How long was yours?

mine was near my hindquarters for a significant percentage of high school.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 09:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Below my shoulders.

abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nope. No proof. But it totally happened. It was even blue for a while.
True story.
lerite From: lerite Date: February 4th, 2009 04:06 am (UTC) (Link)
I saw it!

I'm not a reliable witness though.
zesty_pinto From: zesty_pinto Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
So...we shouldn't hang out with you because you're not as geeky as the test asks?

By the by, you're still marked as obese? You look five sizes smaller than your old shots (no offense).
abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
BMI is super accurate when you're tall, let me tell you.

I'm look geeky to live, obviously.
zesty_pinto From: zesty_pinto Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I see what you're saying now. You're socially acceptably geeky.

By the way, that's good to know since I'm technically overweight at 6'2. Still annoys me though since I miss fitting into a size 32.
zesty_pinto From: zesty_pinto Date: February 3rd, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
I just did it and I got 8. Sadly enough, though, I don't look a thing like James Dean.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: February 3rd, 2009 09:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
A1) Where the hell did you find this test?
B2) All things should be justified in the pursuit of the lulz. The lulz cross all socio-economic borders.
C3) I can't remember your ponytail. Either that means that my memory juices are broken or you're a liar. Discuss.
D4) I can barely remember my own ponytail, but do think that I should have grown more facial hair in college. Discuss.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 3rd, 2009 09:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wiener: Gizmodo.com
Schnitzel: LOLz!
Sausage: Dude, my hair was long for three years in college.
Brat: I recall you trying the mustache thing. You looked kinda like the senior geek in Freaks & Geeks.
lerite From: lerite Date: February 4th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC) (Link)
I remember both ponytails. Also, goth bowling.
phoenix_snake From: phoenix_snake Date: February 3rd, 2009 09:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: February 3rd, 2009 10:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
3. I am, according to the medical definition, obese.


Possibly still overweight. But not obese.
zesty_pinto From: zesty_pinto Date: February 3rd, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
I still have no clue how he looks it. Half the time I swear he looks thinner than me and most other people I know.

Not saying that all of them are members of Anorexia Anonymous, but still.

Edited at 2009-02-03 10:49 pm (UTC)
not_a_girl From: not_a_girl Date: February 4th, 2009 01:47 am (UTC) (Link)
16 points. Working for Apple really nails me on this test. LOL
23 comments or Leave a comment