Watched episodes of the Osbournes today. I'm pretty sure Ozzy has no idea what is going on any more. I wonder if just standing up gives him a flashback. Instead of giving their dogs flea baths they got new furniture. Damn, wish I had that much money. But I don't eat live bats, do I? That gets the big bucks.... I should go pee on the Alamo too.
Probably the best thing that has happened recently is that I finally wrote some poetry I like. What worries is that, nearly invariably, the poems I like are those that most dislike or are rather dark and depressing. Now, they're not blatantly "My life is a dark pit of dark darkness" rather darkly themed with a hint of morbidity. They never seem to have that urban bite that I want, and that everyone gobbles up these days. Conclusions? My life has been so easy.
I pondered this as a was staring at the latest but of crap I wrote and worked myself snuggly into this depressed hatred as I reflected on the fact that I am damn lucky my father cares about me and that my mother is infinitely forgiving. It just made me angrier. The worst thing that happened in my childhood is my parents divorced but I can't find the slightest shred of anger toward either parent. I've looked. Nothing. The divorce was better for all parties involved.
It's rather pathetic that I wish that at some point in my life I was worse off so I could draw from something that had real universal understanding. I have suburbia.
Suburbia is fool's gold for a would be writer. It's all shiney when you see it but is worthless when you really want to get something from it. Hmm. Can't even angst properly. I think this is the most depressed I've been so cose to a birthday before. So much hassle with this one and my father hasn;t talked to me in over a month, but that could be my email messing his sends. I'm pretty certain he has a bloody phone though. I know my stuff is getting through, he says so when I call him days before I just show up.
The picture on my monitor is vibrating.... It's only half the screen... Christ. The second monitor is interfereing with the first... what the hell is wrong with this thing. Bloody hell.