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Long break in customer camp today. So, I'm feeling crappy because of… - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Long break in customer camp today.

So, I'm feeling crappy because of a coworker. She has managed to make me feel like a slacker/loser/idiot for working oinly 40 hours a week. What's up with that? Sure I have work I'm oing but the idea of needing to be here for 50+ hours a week is ridiculous. It's important to me that I have a life outside of work. I'm getting things done, though the work is raining down close to completion day. But, I don't forsee the need to be here long hours in the next few weeks. But then, I generally over etimate the time it takes to do anything. Thus, I found more time to do things this week given the ease of doing some previously believed difficult activities.

It wasn't intentional, for what I can see. She's just generally a surly person and I don't feel it was nearly a personal attack. Lame. I can't think of words better to describe it at the moment. My mind has transitioned away from linking strange words in grammatically uncooth manners since the book ended. Now, all I get is flashes of images and snippets of dialogue that can't really be expressed properly in poetry/prose/prosetry.

Point: I once heard the mind described as modular. We have this core thinking ability, intelilgence, whatnot. As we go about our day we plug different tracks into certain sections in orrder to fulfil some function properly... like going from Math Class to Music. To that end, I think I've pulled out and peed on the poetry module of my brain. The idea of writing anoter poem any time soon makes me sick. The only lines I can pull, from a somewhat difficult to reach orifice, are terrible - trite phrases suited only for angsty poetry rittled through with creative spellings of the word "dark." (Darque, darrk, drk, daerk, darc, darck, darckque..) Funny, really. I think I've become something that I've always wanted without the monetary compensation, yet. Although, I always wanted to be albe to do it all at once. But this doesn't work.

The typical image that I get of the true artist is a completely self involved ass (which, apologies I send to lady_fox because I tuned her out last night as I finished the page). But, beyond self-involved, they are unable to retain anything long enough to see it through. The artists I know, knew, could rarely sustain a single project long enough to really finish it. It got done, but it wasn't really done if that makes sense. It's like their modules were in overdrive...

I leave you with this:
Our brains are autochanging 8-track players. The artists mind is just set to chipmunk speed.


I will not feel guilty
for living a full life.

-ABM

Current Mood: crappy crappy

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Comments
djtatsu From: djtatsu Date: September 30th, 2004 12:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
Our brains are autochanging 8-track players. The artists mind is just set to chipmunk speed

Ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth!
phoenix_snake From: phoenix_snake Date: September 30th, 2004 01:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

Rock out Will!!

As well you shouldn't feel guilty for living your life. I totally see this chick as being not only a bitch but also as a loser.

I'm not being mean, (well, yes I am) let me explain. If someone has a job he/she/it is getting a significant amount of cash to do, and wants to do it well, they set goals for themselves. They meet the goals and feel good. If someone else does not have to work as many hours to fulfill the same goals, the person feels less good about themselves.

Therefore to alleviate those feelings of inadequacy the individual will tell themselves that the other party must OBVIOUSLY not work as hard. And then they can go back to feeling better about themselves. And indeed, they can then feel better than you, always a self-esteem booster!

And none of this is conscious. But it is very true and real. And you should NOT feel bad about it. In fact you should feel good that you don't punch her in the face, because she obviously doesn't do enough self-reflection.

Hugs!!
Mar
lerite From: lerite Date: September 30th, 2004 06:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
My dad mentioned having similar problems at Epic, with people expecting him to give his life to the company. And, you know, what with being a dad and having big commitments to volunteer-type activities, he didn't. I'm glad to see you're not letting this lady get to you. Work is for making life better. Yay.
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