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Happyness - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Happyness
Verona Campus is beautiful at dawn. I'm really looking forward to having an offie here. I ish it would hve a fireplace like the one I'm currently sitting next to. :) Two years is the current estimate.

Fox and I saw In Pursuit of Happyness last night.

Let me tell you that my number one fear in life is to be in that extact situation, no money, housing or ability to buy food. I have a fundamental fear that I'd be completely unable to fight my way out of it. This month I've overshot my bugdet pretty badly which makes me feel like a failure and seeing this movie really didn't help.

I'm really good at spinning out of control in my head, that a minor issue - like overspending - means that I'm going to get evicted and lose my job. Because those are obviously so closely tied. Spending too much on eating out, forexample, indicates a lack of self control and no ability to cook. The former meaning I'm suddenly going to run out of money instantaneously.

I'm not sure how that "instantaneously' part works. I'd have to burn through my savings, my investments and my 401k , sell my car, computer and other random stuff before I'd be broke. That my mind disavows this is ludicrous. I mean, I'm not even close to being in bad shape but I've always got this voice telling me I'm on the brink of distaster. Seeing it played out on screen, even with a happy ending, drive me into a weird despair hole last night. I'm pleased this morning to be out of it.

It's staff meeting Monday which means 5.5 hours of management meetings on top of All Staff.
If I'm lucky, I'll get home in 12.5 hours. If I'm lucky and determined, I'll get home 13.75 hours from now after a day of meetings and going to the gym.

I'm banking on determined as I have my gym clothes in with my laptop.

I also have junior mints. I'm not sure what that says about me. Maybe that I'm minty fresh...

Current Location: Verona Campus
Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: Front desk staff

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Comments
tokudama From: tokudama Date: March 19th, 2007 01:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
My brain works like that too.

Was it a good movie at least?
abmann From: abmann Date: March 19th, 2007 05:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
It was well done. Will Smith rocks.
The story is relatively depressing even though it ends well.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: March 19th, 2007 02:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
What's so bad about being a hobo?
abmann From: abmann Date: March 19th, 2007 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Winter.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: March 19th, 2007 06:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
In winter you sleep on a warm beach.

Or a friend's guest room on an air mattress.
eating_dust From: eating_dust Date: March 19th, 2007 02:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Having been there.... without a home... somewhere I never want to be again.
*hugs*
so now I sort of have the same -panic- when I overspend a little.
It's self-preservation on overdrive.

*hugs*
abmann From: abmann Date: March 19th, 2007 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks.
labelle77 From: labelle77 Date: March 19th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Maybe I'm a weirdo.. but having spent the vast majority of the last three years for one reason or another without any wiggle room whatsoever in the budget and at times without enough to buy heat (i'd forgo utilities before food, i own enough blankets).. it wasn't the worst thing that ever happened to me. Even when I had no money I had people who loved me and the sun came up every morning and the moon rose every night. When I would get too stressed, I'd remember something someone once said to me to make me remember what's *really* important in life... "cheer up love, it's only green paper. we are rich."

of course, that's not to say go out and be irresponsible. it's just to say that there are many, many things i'd be afraid of before poverty.
elenuial From: elenuial Date: March 19th, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have the exact same fears (and react in much the same ways) and so I'm starting to look at making investments before I'm even out of college with the little money I have in some sort of crazy attempt to stave it off.
9 comments or Leave a comment