The Piecemeal Man (abmann) wrote,
The Piecemeal Man
abmann

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Happyness

Verona Campus is beautiful at dawn. I'm really looking forward to having an offie here. I ish it would hve a fireplace like the one I'm currently sitting next to. :) Two years is the current estimate.

Fox and I saw In Pursuit of Happyness last night.

Let me tell you that my number one fear in life is to be in that extact situation, no money, housing or ability to buy food. I have a fundamental fear that I'd be completely unable to fight my way out of it. This month I've overshot my bugdet pretty badly which makes me feel like a failure and seeing this movie really didn't help.

I'm really good at spinning out of control in my head, that a minor issue - like overspending - means that I'm going to get evicted and lose my job. Because those are obviously so closely tied. Spending too much on eating out, forexample, indicates a lack of self control and no ability to cook. The former meaning I'm suddenly going to run out of money instantaneously.

I'm not sure how that "instantaneously' part works. I'd have to burn through my savings, my investments and my 401k , sell my car, computer and other random stuff before I'd be broke. That my mind disavows this is ludicrous. I mean, I'm not even close to being in bad shape but I've always got this voice telling me I'm on the brink of distaster. Seeing it played out on screen, even with a happy ending, drive me into a weird despair hole last night. I'm pleased this morning to be out of it.

It's staff meeting Monday which means 5.5 hours of management meetings on top of All Staff.
If I'm lucky, I'll get home in 12.5 hours. If I'm lucky and determined, I'll get home 13.75 hours from now after a day of meetings and going to the gym.

I'm banking on determined as I have my gym clothes in with my laptop.

I also have junior mints. I'm not sure what that says about me. Maybe that I'm minty fresh...
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