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Before I implode: There was a roof. And walls. No heat and… - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Before I implode:
  • There was a roof.
  • And walls.
  • No heat and some construction guy kept opening the window.
  • I had a bran muffin 5.5 hours ago.
  • The keynote speaker was kinda terrible. Great. You're an astronaut. Healthcare?
  • My crush was dressed to the nines and her boots were amazing.

    However, my mind is elsewhere due to that last point.
    Being poly is useless if you haven't the guts to ask someone out!
    I'm going to get lunch now and try to shove as much work in as possible to as little time as possible so I could potentially leave at 4.

    Rawr!
  • 11 comments or Leave a comment
    Comments
    lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: September 19th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
    I wanna meet her! And you should ask her out.

    I know that's less than helpful, but really... I don't know what else to do... Did you at least compliment her clothing? Or boots?
    lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: September 19th, 2006 07:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
    Also, I'm helping graydancer move a loveseat out of St. Vinnies at 4:30... so I'll be home (briefly) after that. Then class. Then home and House!

    Addi said she was all about waffles for dinner, if you're interested in breakfast for dinner. OOH... we could do waffles and bacon and maybe even some eggs... whaddya think?
    djtaldragon From: djtaldragon Date: September 19th, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
    We all need pictures, man... pictures!!!

    >: )
    elenuial From: elenuial Date: September 19th, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

    To put it crudely...

    ...guys tend to get the shaft in multi-gender poly relationships. All a lady has to do is lay down and spread her legs... A guy has to work to take advantage of the lifestyle.
    sculplady From: sculplady Date: September 20th, 2006 02:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Re: To put it crudely...

    Umm...I really, REALLY beg to differ with that last statement...
    elenuial From: elenuial Date: September 20th, 2006 05:06 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Re: To put it crudely...

    Okay. Feel free.

    Generalities are never 100% true. But it's been my experience and observation that such is usually the case. Your experience may be totally different, probably because poly culture where you are is totally different. It also depends on the kind relationships you're trying to establish.

    On a purely sexual level, it (to me) seems easier for women than men to find fulfillment. If you're talking on an emotional/spiritual level of relationship, I would probably buy into the fact that men have an easier time than women, but that again depends on the culture and the generalized assumption that women in poly relationships more often than men are looking for emotional/spiritual fulfillment, meaning that men are more likely to get fulfillment on such a level, while women are likely to get frustrated. It's a supply-and-demand sort of thing, and it applies on many levels.
    sculplady From: sculplady Date: September 20th, 2006 05:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Re: To put it crudely...

    I was referring to your comment which implies that women in poly relationships don't have to do any work. Of all the poly relationships in which I know the people personally, the women have had to work as hard, if not harder, than the men to either adjust or get what they want out of it. They may not have had to work in the same ways to achieve their goals, but they have had to put forth just as much effort. These people live in locations across the US, so, I'm finding it difficult to believe that it's just a local thing, reduced to those in the poly culture where I am. Yes, I do agree that generalizations are never 100% true, but, on a sexual level, I have had one hell of a time getting to where I am with who I am currently with (including many times when I have initiated things which eventually crashed and burned).

    I'm sorry to hear that your experience has led you to believe that men are the ones who have to work harder to get what they want.
    graydancer From: graydancer Date: September 20th, 2006 06:05 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Well, you asked for my input...

    ...but I doubt you'll like it. I think she's right.

    Of course there are specific instances that vary. But in general, men who are poly are perceived as lying, cheating philanderers, and women are considered "free spirits" or somesuch. A man has to get past that initial perception, to gain the trust of a woman (we're generalizing hetero here) which is usually required before a relationship -- especially a romantic one--can be established.

    On the other hand, it is much easier to find a man who is willing to have sex with you if you aren't too picky. Hence the "spread your legs" comment. I would disagree with her as to the quality of those relationships...but in general, I do think that the men in our culture have to work harder to get past stereotypes than the women do. Can you imagine "sex & the city" with men? They would be lynched. But women sleeping with many men, if they have money? Well, that's all good then.

    Remember, my parents assumed I was cheating on you for 3 years. They never thought once that you might be cheating on me, much less that we both had consented to having other lovers.
    sculplady From: sculplady Date: September 20th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Re: Well, you asked for my input...

    I guess that, to my knowledge, the poly men that I've known/been involved with, excluding you, haven't been perceived that way personally (by people that they know). Maybe myself and S.O's are an anomaly to the general poly population then.
    elenuial From: elenuial Date: September 20th, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Re: Well, you asked for my input...

    I would disagree with her as to the quality of those relationships

    Well, yeah. That's why I later said that, depending on the relationship, you might be getting what you want. And, to be fair, only the skeeziest folks I know want simply sex out of every relationship. Still, most folks are willing to admit that some of their relationships are purely sexual.
    elenuial From: elenuial Date: September 20th, 2006 07:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

    Re: To put it crudely...

    What you need out of a relationship is highly dependent on your background, but I've never met a person in the poly community who thinks sex has nothing at all to do with it.

    So it follows from the fact that women are far more often sexually objectified than men (and if you don't believe that, then nothing I say will have any meaning for you), that in a community that is at least partially (if not majorly) focused on sexual relationships (and I know that not all poly relationships are sexual, but many if not most of them are) the women are going to have an easier time than men getting some kind of fulfillment out of the activities considered normative to the community.

    And the conversations I've had with folks all over the nation corroborate this.

    I was wrong for implying that there's no work involved for women, and I apologize. There certainly is. But women do have it easier in the poly community.

    If this post were friends-locked, I'd be happy to relate some personal experiences which bear on this topic.

    On a slightly tangential note, I think the mentality prevalent in American and communist countries that if someone is doing less work than others to achieve a similar effect they are bad or evil is kinda crazy. I wasn't trying to make a moral judgment, though I guess my tone implied it.
    11 comments or Leave a comment