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Musings and why don't I think about other things? - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Musings and why don't I think about other things?
I spent a long time of state street tonight, from 4 to about quarter to 9. I walked up and down campus, climbing random objects to get a different perspective of the scene, to know if I could get all of X object in frame. It was... odd. The world melted away. I discontinued wondering if people were watching, wondering what I was doing.

I must confess,I worry and wonder what people think of me nearly every time a person looks at me. My entire life I've had to deal with weird stares, skewed glances and the occasional child that looks wide eyed at me in fear or anxiety - these last being (gratefully) few and far between. So obviously that sort of life tends to rub of on ya. That I don't even notice the world outside my camera is really nice. It is as if I don't exist. Much of it is knowing that they're probably wonder what I'm shooting rather than "O.M.G look at the freak." It's nice; it is a modicum of control over impressions people have that I otherwise it is something over which I think I have no control.

Whether anything I took tonight is any good is anyone's guess. I took more shots of The Red Gymnasium hoping that I can undo the few bad things I saw in the first shot I took. I felt lame, though, taking more shots of the same damn thing. Sure, it's an excellent building but there's only so much that I can do with it right now and without climbing buildings. :) I should note that I got some funny looks when I, a one armed man holding a camera and a tripod, climbing small objects to get that extra foot of height.

The first hour and a half was productive. I got a few dozen shots and missed a few I wish I had gotten. I have yet to overcome taking crafted pictures of people without them knowing. I feel guilty doing planned shots, worried too that I"d get caught and they'd be pissed I imagine I'll get over it. For now I'll have to forgot the lost shot of Hobo Sleeping Under Tree Circle and Old Guy Whittling While Waiting for the Bus (catchy titles, ne?). Am I the only person that feels guilty about this? I see other posting pictures of people unaware all the time so I wonder if I just need to get over it.


During this first I hour, I learned a few random things about myself too, actually - beyond that I can lose myself in a camera. I people watch... a lot. I spend a very long time at coffee shops not actually reading the books I bring with me (another reason I need to get over photographing people). Tonight I saw a girl who made me wonder what it is that I find really attractive in women. She was slight, average height, medium length hair, wearing a black tank and orange flowery skirt. I couldn't stop looking at her; I'm pretty sure it wasn't the bright glow of her skirt too. :) I think I understand, though, what it was. She knew exactly what worked well for her body type and skin tone. She projected personality and power in how she stood and what she wore. It was striking.

She wasn't ostentatious, hardly dressed in expensive clothing. The color of the skirt made her kin glow. Her tank top showed her curves without clinging and even exposed her belly (she wasn't a stick). She just looked so well put together. I thought of all this in relation to what lady_fox wears and what does and does not attract me. I mean, the person is the same in the clothes but there's some stuff she wears that I detest and others that I want to rip off her (in the good way). Same with aetrix9, really. Comparing two outfits, both the same complication and level casualness, I realized that it isn't comfort that attracts me, which I previously thought. Rather, clothes that work well with the body. You know, complementary color to skin, lines that accentuate features. Fuck cost. You can make the the richest person attractive in clothes from Salvation Army if you're smart.

I like a person that thinks about. Puts a little effort into everything they wear and let's their personality shine and their body work it.

Now having written this, it all sounds so ridiculously obvious. Duh. Wear something flattering.
This felt more profound tonight when it all clicked.

Wish I'd taken a shot of her to better point out everything I'm trying to describe.

Got chicken wings tonight too. Tried the Blazin' wings, the hottest on the menu. They were boring. Sure they burned but.. um? Flavor. I can only enjoy so much vinegar and Tabasco. I got surprisingly inebriated from a glass of Bell's Oberon too. Such a light-weight. Really quite pathetic.

Failed to find labelle77 who was supposed to be on Johnson street hocking stuff. I circled the block twice looking for sexy redheads, but no dice. I feel I should write out some of the frustration I'm feeling over what ever it is between the two of us, but most of it feels like whining. I keep wanting something.. I dunno? "More" is general enough but am constantly reminded that it's not going to happen unless something drastic changes. Makes me sad, very sad especially since I feel unable to do anything positive for it. Blah.

Photography and women. That's all that's on my mind these days. Well sex too, but(t) who cares about that?
Never getting enough of any of it.


Work goes. I'm busy getting near the deadline. Though I'm better of than my teammate who took a whole pile of vacation this month. I'm worried for him especially he doesn't seem willing to let me help him. Every week in our one on one meetings I ask if there's anything I can take from him, to help him out. I'm trying at least.
Certainly getting plenty of work....

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

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Comments
labelle77 From: labelle77 Date: August 3rd, 2006 02:54 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry.. I would have posted that comment earlier but I was trapped in a meeting and I left my cell at home. :(

Just so you know, I respond very well to demands.
abmann From: abmann Date: August 3rd, 2006 02:57 am (UTC) (Link)
I tried demands a while ago and got no response. Besides, we've met in person twice; I don't think I have any right to make demands.
labelle77 From: labelle77 Date: August 3rd, 2006 04:06 am (UTC) (Link)
if they were demands i didn't see them as such... be more forceful ;)

i know we have only, but, i'm telling you, they key to my heart is being able to dominate me, even just over lj. i hence give you permission to try.
moxie_jen From: moxie_jen Date: August 3rd, 2006 06:30 am (UTC) (Link)
(snark) but's its really only just so I can see right?)
labelle77 From: labelle77 Date: August 3rd, 2006 05:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
hunh?
moxie_jen From: moxie_jen Date: August 3rd, 2006 05:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sigh, really drunk girl. Have no idea what she(I) meant.
Sorry for the nonesense.
djtaldragon From: djtaldragon Date: August 3rd, 2006 02:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ya know, I think you and I would be good friends if we were geographically closer.

The key to photographing people best is catching them when they don't know. The best shots are not the ones you set up (unless you have a very photogenic model, such as Gretchen... I should show you some of the photos we took over Easter... Gods is she good in front of the camera...) but the ones where you catch them in real like. They show more of themselves. When they know they're in front of the camera, they all try to put on this facade of who they think they want to be, who they think others want to see, etc. I can understand being worried if someone is mad at you taking pictures, but you need to get over the guilt. It's the only way you're going to start getting good photos of people.
Personally, I love pictures of people. Prefer to take them. And architecture, but usually in some state of construction or deconstruction. random geometric shots.
Again, with the beauty and clothing thing, I have to agree. Not to keep using her as an example, but Gretchen is a good example of dressing to your best features. Though I think attitude has a lot to do with it, and it's easier and easier to see that on people these days. Maybe it's just my own sight waking up.

Well sex too, but(t) who cares about that?
Never getting enough of any of it.

Amen to that. My daily/weekly needs haven't been met in a long time...

>. )
fiendishx From: fiendishx Date: August 3rd, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
I must confess,I worry and wonder what people think of me nearly every time a person looks at me.

If you had one of these babies, I can tell you from experience that people would think "Oh my, who is that sexy professional photographer. I wish he'd take my picture."

When I was at Machu Picchu, I was using my mom's camera and someone asked me if I was a journalist. And everyone kept asking me to take their pictures for them.
abmann From: abmann Date: August 3rd, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
That lens costs more than the entire camera kit. Crazy precision equipment.
fiendishx From: fiendishx Date: August 3rd, 2006 06:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hehe yeah. I think the equivalent lense without the vibration reduction is less than half the price. But at 200mm you'd be kicking yourself for not having it.
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