There's something about frog sing that heightens my desire to run away from life. Every once and a while, usually late as it is now, I become disgusted by my surroundings. The stuff that has accumulated over the years. I find it all, especially recently, superfluous. I have learned that I can find ample entertainment in free things. That I buy DVDs seems surreal anymore. Honestly? NetFlix works in a pinch for an eighth the cost of buying similar whims. Library books have kept me out of books stores for two months. aetrix9 asked me why I didn't just buy a copy of The Omnivore's Dilemma as I'm 50 something of 200 on the holds list. I was dumbstruck, not from remembering buying books, that I used to do that frequently. I don't see the use of it at all anymore.
THat's the whole point, you see. I see little use for many of the material possessions around me. The couch I sit on is really just a tall, long pillow. The TV a reason to watch DVDs. Etc. Etc. I think that I could simplify so much further, even walk away completely from my current life (caveat: I like my relationships, this is focusing on stuff). If I look at things I use or do in my daily life, it all fits into a backpack. Clothes. Camera. Tablet. Food. Book(s). Clothes and food may be fashioned and electricity found publicly, books borrowed from the library. I really wonder why I have so much... extra?
The answers I have: comfort and discipline. I find comfort in my middle class surroundings. I like having things, for others to see my things (it's all a dirty penis game in the end). And I have neither the discipline to give it up nor the discipline not to care about it. graye wrote about Festina Lente - to hurry slowly. I liken this to the Japanese rigors regarding life. All things are done with the attention to make it art. I don't know how to fill my life with that. Were I able to, I sincerely believe I could give up the excess stuff and focus on a handful of things for my life that I truly enjoy.
That is the key to down shifting that I can't find. I get caught up in so much frivolity (again, not my relationships) that I'm blinded from enjoying my time doing any one thing that I really enjoy doing. Problematically, these things are difficult to do with other people.
That's the real problem right there. I haven't blended what I hold most important about myself with what I do in my relationships. Huh. Parallax.
I originally intended to make this entry about wanting to run away, leaving my life behind and stuff (much due to the impending move). When I realized that this was ultimately impossible if I wanted to maintain my love relationships, I backed off and turned thought to simplifying. I was going to connect my desire to run to the frogs singing outside right now. They live their lives to sing, it seems, focusing on what is at their heart, their essence. But in shifting my entry I have connected a few important dots. Sadly, I can't equate them to frogs without knowing more about their mating habits.
PS: after a conversation with graydancer and fencert I've decided to embrace the metadata tagging style and tag as I see fit. I was trying to categorize my life cleanly; this was not woking. Simple tag lists be damned!