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Don't let it bleed. - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Don't let it bleed.


Inferno. Inferno inferno inferno. Huzzah for Inferno.

I went to the Inferno tonight; there was a play piercing performance facilitated by a piercing studio in Milwaukee whose name I copmletely forgot.. even though I have their card sitting somewhere in my apartment right now. In fact, I also met with graydancer with no bad things happening to him along the way. (Perchance I am not bad luck for him.) Sadly, sculplady wasn't there; well, not sad in an actual sad way. Sad in the "I really enjoy looking at her" lustful coyote way. Exceedingly pretty woman - alas she doesn't do well with piercing play, according to Gray.

It was a good night. I got there around 10pm after spending the evening on the Square wandering about, taking pictures. I learned that the Capitol Times is in favor of horse meat, which I'll show you eventually. I got to Inferno before anyone had really gotten there. It was mostly dead save the hobo in the parking lot that tried to steal my hat.

I danced for a good hour before Gray arrived and the piercer started setting up. The show began at 11:30 and didn't end until just before closing - am. I could expound on the show, the 450 needles used (yes, 450) but that wasn't what I really watched. It was beautiful, mind, but I spent over an hour of the show contemplating the nature of submission in this context.

The guy doing the piercing was clearly a Dom. He had a slave girl beside him clutching a can of Red Bull. Not sure form whom the can was but she didn't move an inch for the first half of the show. However, the man was clearly not doing a domination scene with the man getting pierced. Their dynamic was lacking in that energy play. Rather I think it was just about piercing and pain play. The piercee (*I don't want to use "sub") was clearly in a good pain. Each spike made him wince, especially the ones in his nose and the one almost thruogh his cheek. However, as I watched, I could see the waves of endorphines and the masochistic satisfaction the piercee received after each spike was in place. Remarkable.

Entranced. I sat there for that hour and a half before I had to pull up a chair. I couldn't turn away, not that i wanted to. I was rather surprised that I wasn't more creeped out by it. But it was just fascinating. I really wanted to talk to the piercee afterwards but he was talking with Mistress Jade and Marla and the rest of the crew that were helping the scene. Plus, I'm a wuss - plain and simple. Regardless, it was astounding.

Otherwise, I flirted with a few people very poorly and got groped by an intensely attractive girl who was a little drunk and trying to read my shirt. (It says, "By reading this shirt you have given me brief control of your mind.") Another girl was there from Milwaukee and sadly wished many of her friends were there to see the show. I agreed. I know a bunch of people that would have loved it.

I also ran into Talia from Beloit. She graduated in '02 I think, could be wrong. She seemed to recognized me and I kind of ignored her; I was intent on getting to the front of the crowd at that point. Though, damn she is still attractive. Hormones. Fucking hormones.

That is the worst part about Inferno. I get so revved up by the attractive men and women, the dancing and the alcohol that I really, really want so good, hard lovin'. Alas, I am alone right now. These last three weeks have been significantly sexually frustrating. Fox gone every night and Aetrix and I hitting a rough patch.

I hate that I get this way now, so full of lust. I begin wishing I had another partner, someone to call on these empty nights. But then I feel guilty because I shouldn't be so sexual, so lustful; objectifying someone like that isn't right. Then there's the louder, slightly rational piece that says, "So the fuck what? If she's aware that it is mostly about sex, who cares?" Damn it for being right and me being unsure how to satisfy it. Blah.

I'm going to go eat the pizza I cooked (yay for getting an extra one on Thursday) then deal with this... undersexed issue best I can. Grumble grumble.

Oh, and thanks again for the drink, graydancer. Your ticket bought me a screwdriver. :)

Tags: ,
Current Mood: horny horny
Current Music: Tinnitus

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Comments
(Deleted comment)
kate_the_bear From: kate_the_bear Date: April 23rd, 2006 02:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
I must ditto that one... you can't control your feelings about it and your desire to have more or different sex than you do- obviously as a maturing person we all do our best to not just have sex with everyone we feel like having sex with because people get hurt and it can be dangerous- but i've found casual sex to be very entertaining and if you can set up the right enviornment where others aren't hurt you might be able to find a fuck buddy who doesn't mind just hanging with you now and then when you and she/he need... anyway :) sounds like a great time and I'm glad you had it.
(Deleted comment)
From: que_emocionante Date: April 23rd, 2006 01:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
bgghhh needles terrify me but i'm glad you had an interesting night. and though it seems logical that sometimes both of your s.o.s would be sexually unavailable for some reason, that still sucks.
abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree and it's happened before with little "issue." That it's been essentialy this entire month, it is really, really grating. :) I'm not exactly happy that it is having this effect on me, as stated above.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: April 23rd, 2006 02:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I made a new icon. I thought it was apprpriate for your post.
abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't have boob!
moocowrich From: moocowrich Date: April 23rd, 2006 02:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
450 needles

DAMN.

I've always had issues with needles, so that's frightening. I hoped that getting a couple piercings would help the matter (that's not the reason I got them, of course), but no such luck. Needles still intimidate me.
abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I was impressed too. I knew it was a whole lot of 'em but didn't realize it was that many.

After I got my eyebrow, I'm far less fearful of needles. However, piercing play while neat to watch is not something I could remotely enjoy as either party.
ocarina_justin From: ocarina_justin Date: April 23rd, 2006 04:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Of the few kinks that I cannot get into in any way, needles are definitely one of them. Still, I can see how the display would be fascinating. I am intrigued by your post here. I am especially intrigued by the fact that you mention feeling guilty about being so sexual and lustful - doubly so about your treatment of the issue. You acknowledge your guilt but, in stark contrast to your treatment of feelings of jealousy that you used to have, you do not condemn them. You admit that there is little basis for them, true - but it seems to me that these feelings of guilt can be just as destructive as the feelings of jealousy. I'll end the psychobabble here, but I just find the continuing theme of you being bothered by your own sexuality extremely strange in the context of the way that you seek to treat the rest of your sexual/social life.

I suppose what I'm asking is - any thoughts on this?
abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Anythoughts on my own guilt?

I recognize quite keenly that guilt is just as destructive. It is why, up until lt year, my sex life was pretty bad. I stopped feeling guilty abut wanting sex, having an appetite for it. What's weird now is I'm not guity for wanting it, rather guilty about the quantity and the person with whom I'm having it. That's loopy but, I suppose, an understandable issue to find when one is non-monogamous.

Now, i might not feel guilty were I to have a relationship founded soley on sex. If that's the point, the occasional booty call, so what? It's an acceptable outlet, I think. So because I'm emotionally invested in my relationships it becomes more difficult. I don't want the focus to be on sex, but I want it to be a persistent and regular occurrece, I suppose. The conflict between wanting X amount of sex and wishing to not focus on it is the cause for the guilt. This is especially bad between me adn aetrix9, and so I imagine would be the case with any partner with whom I do not live, because we only see each other once a week. This is one thing she and I are trying to understand.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: April 23rd, 2006 05:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm glad you had fun and were able to meet up with Gray... *hugs*
abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Me too. It was pretty cool.
evilevi From: evilevi Date: April 23rd, 2006 06:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
I've been dealing with an insane amount of sexual frustration lately, though I suppose that's usually the case when I have only one partner (and he's mostly vanilla). But I do notice that it's particularly bad when I go out and come home to only myself. There's really only so much I can masturbate and it barely takes the edge off.

I did have a fun time with a friend the other night, though, and neither she nor I were objectifying each other in the least, just satifsying mutual desires. I think 2 people is probably my limit for seriously involved emotional relationships (I've never tried more, but I really can't imagine having enough time or emotional energy), but I've pretty much always got sexual energy to spare and as long as everyone involved is aware and consenting I don't see any problem with that. The tricky part is finding people who are both interested and honest.

I can't imagine you'd have any lack of volunteers, though. ;)
abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, this last month has been a flurry of frustrated masturbation. I'm rather annoye that it is less satiating now than in my previous experience. I imagine it is due to masturbation now being a supplement rather than a frustration release, which it was before. There's much less energy going nito masturbation now than before when there were other issue in my life.

If I have volunteers, I'm blind, deaf and dumb. I just don't see it.

I'm told I'm attractive but I seem completely incapable of parleying that into anything. At all. Ever. I don't comprehend how to flirt, so intention or desire with the exception of with people I'm moderately comfortable. In which case it becomes ffar more direct, "Hey, I'd like to have sex with you are you interested" rather than anything flirtatious. This does not work, say, at a club; it can probably get me arrested. I'm supposed to be smoooooth and confident etc which I don't seem to do well with strangers, you see.

What's worse is work. We work with far too many attractive people. But I am really bad at making friends here because I'm here to work, not to socialize. I give off a raelly bad vibe so find it really hard to get to know people. And now this has nothing to do with yuor comment, so I'm going to stop here.
rianwyn From: rianwyn Date: April 24th, 2006 12:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whoa! I have several comments.
First -- *shudder* I am both scared and interested. Mostly scared, though. Piercing? Eep/ Intrigued, too.

Also -- Talia?! Wenzel?! Ahh!

abmann From: abmann Date: April 24th, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
It was interesting to watch but I don't want to participate.

If that's her last name, I don't now. Small girl. Triangular nose, oval glasses, and drinks like a fish.
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