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I am a friday fixer. - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
I am a friday fixer.
"My definition of an expert in any field is a person who knows enough about what's really going on to be scared."
- PJ Plauger

[The essay in the cut is a work in progress]
I am a fixer. This has been pointed out to me by most of my friends, my mother, and women that I have dated (all of them). Fixers are people that try to solve a problem, alleviate the stress of a problem, through as direct a manner as possible. Fixers are fundamentally pragmatic people; they are caring though perceptually cool, if not out right cold.

When you bring a problem to fixer, his first reaction is to attempt to understand the depth of the problem. This generally manifests as background questions designed to illuminate breadth and depth; depending on the familiarity the fixer has with the situation and the one bringing the problem, this process can be drawn out - especially when the fixer is an INTJ, the expert, which I happen to be. The fixer hopes that with more understanding a solution presents itself.

When we offer solutions it is because we care. It is the ultimate gift to give happiness to us, to be there as a crutch - perhaps as a jack is a better analogy, like a car jack. When we offer ways around or ask if there are ways to fix, we are NOT ignoring the problem. We are drawing it out. In the solution can be found the source and vice versa. This relates to the inevitable questioning period noted above. Invariably, this is why we are accused of not caring, being cold, unkind. It is the process of understanding that a fixer develops that can reach precision to become automatic.

Fixers are not cold people. Fixers aren't trying to ignore your trouble, your pain. Fixers want to understand what it is, how it works, how it is affecting you. Most importantly, a fixer wants to remove the pain, make it betterFixers believe offering solutions to be the best way to be there for a person in pain. Fixer as, after all, human too though they may be loath to admit so.

But there's something more important to understand with fixers. There are degrees of "success." We can understand that some problems are involved, difficult. There is rarely a single thing to do that can suddenly relieve months of build up and stress. In these situations we want so badly to remove even the slightest bit of tension that we may seem desperate, unyielding - occasionally to a fault.

Success can come slowly but this too is gratifying. Think of it from our perspective. Someone you care about greatly is having, or has had a long series of, distressful days brought on by weeks of stress. You have watched this pile up and seen the cracks in the structure appearing for a time. You recognize that there is no way to fill all those cracks and remove the load in one fell swoop. Instead, you work slowly to fix some of the cracks solidly so the structure is stronger over time, a small victory. Can you see how that would be gratifying? How that would be a great victory?

It isn't about solving everything all at once. Getting a single smile after a day of frowning is huge. It means that there is an avenue to help, a starting point for the cure. Keep at it in small ways and eventually the structure is sound and the pressure relieve.

This is what we want you to know. We want that smile. We want an ounce of happiness, regularity, normalcy, relaxation in a sea of difficulty. Those ounces eventually add up to something great.

I am a fixer. It is my life's blood to be there, wherever "there" may be.
--

I made my deadline. I've tested everything that needed to be tested. Things should relax a bit for a few weeks. The release testing and late fix cycle, though getting stuffed with things to do, is generally less pressing than the end of a development cycle.

I am OK today. I slept nearly the whole night. I woke briefly at 2am when my jaw cracked. I slept with it at a funny angle and tried to swallow; it popped. I woke up from the discomfort but promptly feel back to sleep. I had hazy dreams about something I can't recall anymore.

lady_fox is off to Virginia tomorrow. I haven't any idea what I'm going to do with my Friday night. I'm suddenly depressed at the prospect of staying in, though I do have an art project I'd like to work on, and I can finally watch Gandhi. I don't know. It feels oddly pathetic in this case, when both Fox and Aetrix will be busy. I think this will be the first night, certainly a Friday, when I'll be on my own. I contemplated asking work people out to do something but... But what? I don't know what. I feel odd doing it out of the blue.

I'm so bad at making friends any more.
Bah. When did I become so dependent on companion ship? On having people present?
Live with someone for four years, I suppose become accustomed to having them around.

I suppose if I can't find something to do or someone (out with which) to go [out with] I'm going to build a giant blanket pile and watch movies and eat pizza and paint in my PJs. There may be cats in there somewhere, especially if there's food on the floor.

Blanket piles are soothing. The world is perfect when you look at it from a blanket pile.

Tags: ,
Current Mood: peaceful introspective
Current Music: Sixpence None The Richer - There She Goes Again

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Comments
kate_the_bear From: kate_the_bear Date: February 9th, 2006 02:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
blanket piles are mad awesome. GL :) I'll be working personally. I finally made some plans to be out and realised that I can't cause I have work. Yay! Wait, I mean Boo!
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 02:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
According to Calvin's dad: Work builds character!
If that's true, I have had far too much character these last two months and need to do something debaucherous, dishonost and deceitful.
dracaspina From: dracaspina Date: February 9th, 2006 02:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's the biggest thing that I miss about college, having a large number of people in my building with similar interestrs. It was easy to meet people that I liked. Now I have to work at it.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's kind of sucky. I do miss having that constant activity. The apartment complex feels so dead. I rarely see anyone else around.

Isolated.
dracaspina From: dracaspina Date: February 9th, 2006 03:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
I guess that I lucked out, my housemates
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ljuser=shadow27>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

I guess that I lucked out, my housemates <ljuser=shadow27> and <ljuser=pmhrh> are big in the local goth club scene and there are always interesting people coming over.

I like living in the House that Spiders Built.
dracaspina From: dracaspina Date: February 9th, 2006 03:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, I suck at using tags.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: February 9th, 2006 03:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like that essay.

You were saying at some point that you never got an evening alone at the house.... Tomorrow night is your opportunity!

I know the cats would love to have you spend time with them.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 03:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's easierto enjoy a night alone on, say, a Tuesday rather than a Friday. It means you're a loser if your by yuorself on a weekend evning, don't you know?
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: February 9th, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Eh... it's the same as any evening. I've done the weekend evening alone, haven't I? (I actually don't remember that well... See? They're all the same. ;))
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 03:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow... was my hair really that bad in that icon?
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: February 9th, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
Looks like. I don't recall.

And why the jerk? I'm actually curious... do you remember if you've been gone for a weekend? I guess you have, for work, right? Or am I losing it? Have you done the weekend evening thing with Aetrix? My brain=ded.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I thought you were makin' fun at me. :)

It's not happened for work and Aetrix and I have not done weekend unless you were gone that I can remember.

There was Halloween with deep_blue_ but you were with Sev. Maybe the weekend I went to Beloit? I dunno. I don't think I've done a weekend away you weren't away.

The Milwaukee trip was a Thursday night.

lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: February 9th, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Right... Ok. :)

I wasn't makin' fun. I was just sayin... it's all the same.
assfingers From: assfingers Date: February 9th, 2006 04:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
you should totally help me clean my bathroom.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 04:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
THAT'S A LITTLE TOO INTIMATE FOR US
assfingers From: assfingers Date: February 9th, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Awww, shucks, I thought you cared.

*pout*
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 04:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Would you clean my tub?
assfingers From: assfingers Date: February 9th, 2006 05:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes. Clearly. Of course I would. Correct. Certainly.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
THe supplies are under the first sink to your left when you enter the bathroom. You'll want to keep the scrub brush moderately dry so the bristles stay stiff. I also recommend using straight amonia; it works the best on the tub lining.

Beware of cats.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: February 9th, 2006 04:20 pm (UTC) (Link)

Friday Night...

abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Friday Night...

I don't think I love anyone enough to drive through Gary, Indiana....

That said, I should totally come and visit. Wonder if driving would end up being cheaper than flying...
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: February 9th, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Friday Night...

Tought to say. There is an airport in state college that does runs to the close major cities. You might be able to find a direct flight from like chicago to state college. No idea about costs though.
suburbaknght From: suburbaknght Date: February 9th, 2006 04:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
If you're still looking for something to do on Friday give me a call. I've decided to recapture my youth by taking advantage of the unlimited laser tag from 8:00-12:00 for $18 deal from Ultrazone.
abmann From: abmann Date: February 9th, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
Not a bad idea. I'm terrible at laser tag. :)

I've also been informed of a neat event/art opening.

"They came from beyond the future"

Paintings by Taylor Winder
Feb 8 - 26, 2006
Opening Friday, Feb 10, 6-8 pm
Hue Art Gallery
1934 Monroe Street
Google Map: http://tinyurl.com/awrzg

Artist statement:
Robots are cool. I was raised by robots. Ok, not really. But, growing up, I watched a lot of old, bad sci-fi and read a whole lot of even worse comic books. Science fiction basically permeated my existence. As I grew older, however, I lost some of my fascination with the subject matter. I changed. I became (somewhat more of) a grown up. At some point I stopped being excited by the future, both personally, and on a larger scale. In these paintings, I'm attempting to recapture some of the lustre the notion of "the future" used to hold for me. The pieces themselves are an exploration of the relationships and sometimes conflicts between "perception" and "reality". As is the case with all relationships, the dynamics can change at any time. Thus, I reuse and recycle imagery, exploring and creating an ever-changing cast of characters and symbols with meanings that can vary greatly from one piece to the next. But, for the most part, each piece hopefully conveys some sense of a longing for a future that never was.


suburbaknght From: suburbaknght Date: February 10th, 2006 12:54 am (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like an awesome show. Give me a call when you get off work.
shortcakeness From: shortcakeness Date: February 10th, 2006 04:38 am (UTC) (Link)
You can always come visit me, after 10 that is.
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