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Shock and awe. - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Shock and awe.
Where are the breadsticks, bitch?
Busy day. Sad to look up at the clock and it is only 12:30 but you feel like you've had a full day.

Date night with lady_fox last night. We went to Pizzeria Uno since she had never been. We ordered the Farmer's Market pizza which had spinach, feta, eggplant, sun-dried tomatoes, plum tomatoes, a pesto garnish and many cheeses.

    The good:
  • Uno's crust is excellent flaky and crunchy.
  • Sun dried tomatoes should be on more things.
  • Spinach is always welcome on pizza.
  • Pesto is much more agreeable as a garnish.

      The Bad:
    • Eggplant is way too mushy when cooked, placed on 'za.
    • Plum tomato slices are not as good as tomato chunks
    • How many cheeses?

      The experience was nice overall, besides the waitress being very inattentive and some loud children behind us. i do not, however, understand the desire to put more tomato on a pizza that already has sun-dried tomato. I mean, sun-dried wins in the thermonuclear war of pizza toppings over regular ol' tomato any day. It's like giving me a Pinto when I just bought a Benz and expecting me to be aware of its existence even.

      Uno's is a silly, living-in-the-past sort of place. All over the walls were "Best Pizza in Madison" awards from 1989. There are many better pizza places.

      The better part of the evening came during conversation, where I had two revelations.

      Firstly, Fox and I were chatting about children. This person that I met on OKCupid has a four year old son. This doesn't really mean much right now given that we're just chatting on IM - but it's OKCupid and it is designed to make new friends etc. When I thought about it, I'm not against children adamantly. I mean, I don't really want any of my own - at least to raise - but I’m OK with the concept of children. Meaning that I think I could enjoy being a father-type figure with the underlying understanding that I'm not ultimately responsible for this child.

      Fox said about the same thing about communal living. Being part of a larger family cooperative would be nice. You could help to raise a child but you’re not, necessarily, responsible for the feeding, changing, crying bits. I think I agree - however, knowing my character - I'd likely be OK with helping out with the directly parental things that must be done. So, I suppose I must adjust my stance on children. I don't hate, dislike or despise them. I'm ok with children, but I'm unsure how much of a role I want in parenting.

      The second revelation came later after the discussion moved to images . I realized last night that the person I outwardly appear to be is now radically different that the one I used to project, and how I relate to these people is different. Previous to nowish, I used to have to separate images. One, the person I knew I Was and the person I Wanted You To Think I Was. The former was the "don't look at me" sort, the nerdish, shy kid that didn't want to get noticed. The latter was the flashy, "hey he has a red fedora" sort that didn't equate to any internal perception. The total effect of these two, different images was a person that was not noticeable, one who faded from memory and site. People used to know me as the "guy in the red hat" or "the guy with one arm." I think this was because the outward expression of "Me" was without substance and did not equate to who I "Really Was." That makes sense?

      See, hen the two people presented do not equate, I think we're left to remember the flashy without substance. The flashy is what gives us our first impressions which are then made robust by what we learn about the individual in extended social interaction. When our impressions do not match the findings, there's memory interference. Now, I'm not saying that people forgot who I was and I'm NOT saying there was some crazy confliction going on in people's heads, I'm just saying that people would more easily grasp the flash.


      My point is, really, that I'm now Noticeable. As in, I dress in a manner that fits my self perceptions now. I consider myself a person worthy of notice and outwardly project a similar attitude and demeanor. Never have these two things coincided. I mean, I've always wanted to be noticed in the way everyone does, but I didn't believe I was worthy of notice. Thus, I put presented these other things that effectively were distractions so I didn't have to be noticed. People generally focused on the red hat rather than me. Even the bulk of my interactions with aetrix9 on campus were her pointing to my head saying, "Red Redhat hat!" and never engaging me in anything else. (this is more an illustration rather than an indictment, love. :))

      This is a new state, really, actually projecting something that is more me than flash. Sure, I dress to impress and the like but it's more like I'm polishing to a nice sheen my image rather than completely obfuscating (in the connotive and denotive senses, for those of you snickering about RPG terms right now) myself with flashiness. I'm pleased about the whole situation, really. Who doesn't like being noticeable?

Current Mood: impressed intangible

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Comments
justphoenix From: justphoenix Date: November 10th, 2005 07:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Waaaahhh...I miss Pizzeria Uno. They closed the one down the street from us.

Sorry, nothing more profound to add.
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like Nancy's better. Better sauce, amazing crust.
justphoenix From: justphoenix Date: November 10th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Nancy's is good too. I also like making my own pizza. I use lots of garlic :)
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
Goat Cheese + sun-dried tomatoes + artichokes + chewy crust and tangy sauce= Mega Wins!
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like revelations about self. Don't they make things more interesting?

I think for me to be comfortable in the communal raising of a child, it would have to be born in that situation. Otherwise, I'd always feel like I was butting in where I shouldn't be. That might be changeable with lots of discussion, but it would be a hard thing for me to get used to, unless it was that way from the beginning of the child.
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 07:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can't imagine a mother/father not liking extra help. :)

Throwing polyamoury into a commune mix makes it that much stranger, though... but could make for a more loving environment. Uh oh.. I think I hear the Christian Coalition knocking on my cube...
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 07:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
lol. Hon, if they lynch you, just don't tell them where I am, ok?

And if they do, can I have your stuff?

Is it odd that I want a commune now? It'd be so interesting... we'd have to have SO MUCH space, because I sure as hell wouldn't want to be in close quarters with everyone.... big house. Lots of land.

I wanna be rich.
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like my sports car and power tie...
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 07:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
lol. You COULD have both....
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 07:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Communes = dirty hippies
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're crazy.
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 08:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're a crazy hippie.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so not dirty.
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
Go read your LJ interests and say that with a straight face.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I didn't say my MIND wasn't dirty. I said I wasn't dirty. I have no dirt on my body. So there.
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
PROVE IT!
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: November 10th, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
If we were both home, I could. As it is, you'll just have to believe me.
aetrix9 From: aetrix9 Date: November 10th, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC) (Link)

You assume...

Even the bulk of my reactions with aetrix9 on campus were her pointing to my head saying, "Red Redhat hat!" and never engaging me in anything else. (this is more an illustration rather than an indictment, love. :))


It's cute how you assume I'm always reading your blog. Not that it's a bad assumption, I mean, I am reading it now... But when you post entries, who's your audience? A seething mass with one or two recognizable faces? All these people you know dearly?

I totally agree with the community child rearing idea. Last night at the laundromat, there was a single mother with a VERY young newborn (<8 weeks, I'd gander). The baby was crying to be fed while mom was rushing around to get her laundry done. Some insanity came over me (Maybe a brave attempt at getting the crying noises to stop) and I asked if she wanted me to watch her baby while she finished her laundry. I did. I held baby and bounced around and played and goo-goo-gaa-gaa-ed and the baby was happy and mom got her laundry done.

I had slobber on my shirt, but I didn't really notice. It was kind of nice to help someone out in that way.

Totally reinforced my solo-independence phase, though. I'm never settling down and having kids. (Except for the fat baby boys, Sev...)

abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 07:55 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: You assume...

I assume to be writing for the peoole who have me frinded. I assume that if I'm friended I'm read. If I comment on a paticular person, i generally interject something directly to them. For example, when I wrote the obfuscate part i uinterjected to my gasming friends that I was using their game-based definitions as well. I acknowledge specific parts of my audience when needed.

I rarely write for myself on here. Entries written for myself have a very different tone.
-
Babies seem to be fine when they're not constantly around. The ability to "go away" is paramount.
-
What's this about big fat, baby boys?
-

You know, polyamoury makes having babies more difficult because more people have to be privy to that sort of information. Egads the tensions that could develop. O_O
(Deleted comment)
abmann From: abmann Date: November 10th, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I have no current hat pictures. The only one I can think of is 4 months old and it's in this icon.

Not my fault you have to work so early. Bitch toast.

Really tightly wound? Like how? And how does that change you to wanting no children?

Yay house!
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