The Piecemeal Man (abmann) wrote,
The Piecemeal Man

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On Polyamoury

lady_fox wrote an entry in response to a coworker's question regarduing the necessity (or the "why bother with") of maintaining primary relationships, a relationship of the sort I have with her. As in, if you're sleeping around why bother with living with a single person? Besides the obvious problems I have with this, which I've stated in other entries but can't find links. Suffice to say that polyamoury ISN'T just about sex, people. It is, however, the apparent benefit the entire world (meaning Americans, as I don't know anyone internationally besides questingfalcon and he doesn't count) focuses upon because we're all sex obsessed. I blame puritanism.

Fox stated the following:
"It's impossible to expect ONE person to give you everything you need."

To which a friend of ours replied:
Well... I've never thought a monogamous relationship implied that, mind. Not knocking on polyamory, but that's a very unrealistic/codependent belief.

I liked my response to the comment here and I'm curious about your thoughts.

How is it unrealistic? Different people provide different things in different ways. Part of the underlying assumption of polyamoury is that people are fundamentally "as they should be." So, the process of a relationship becomes discovering, learning how you interact with another person rather than trying to make them be to you what you want exactly.

You know, some times we just can't be something. I mean, if I'm just categorically opposed to talking about religious extremism, very uncomfortable by it for myriad reasons, is it right for a political dynamo to force get me to talk about these things constantly? Monogamous relationships fill this gap with friendships or by adjusting a partner's behaviors. Polyamourous relationships to the same, they just have different expectations.

Sure, there's a worry about codependency as does any relationship, poly or not. I worried more about codependency when I was in monogamous relationships.

Yeah, I think I'm starting to understand the core assumptions we make as people withing relationship context. Food for thought, ne? So chew it up. Let me know what you all think. I'm especially curious of the 5 new people I've picked up in the last week or so. Welcome to my crazy life. :)

PS: access to my love life sex filter is at your discretion. I don't care who is there, I just don't force it on anyone. Comment if you'd like in. I won't poke fun at you (much).

And I need to remake this Sin icon.
Tags: lj-people, love, monogamy, polyamoury, relationship, sex
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