The reason I mention this is that this entry will deal with something intensely personal. Not in the "don't hate me" sort of way but in the "this is mine" sort of way. Furthermore, as with most ideals of a spiritual nature, there isn't necessarily a logical deduction to follow. We believe waht we believe, follow what we follow. I couldn't deign to explain these things in a manner where everyone could understand unless we have some absolute base upon which to build. When you bring God(dess)/Deity/Jesus/Yahweh/Allah/Bob into the equation... well, either you do or you don't, you know?
This isn't locked to sexfilter because I think it's interesting in its own right. I'm for from graphic for those that aren't on the filter.. not that I"ve ever been graphic in there.... So, I'll be limited in detail unless I feel it necessary. By the wat, for those not on the filter feel free to comment to be added. I don't mind sharing these things. I prefer not to force it on anyone.
Any way... on Sunday that sparked a few nifty thoughts. We were conversing over our weekend together and some of the time spent very, very nude. We had sensation playing mostly pushing some of my personal boundaries previous unexplored (through personal fault exclusively). The sensations created we're devestatingly powerful to the point where I could have easily gotten off (in the traditional sense, yes there is a distinction now). At first, I was quite overwhelmed by it all and was allowing hat energy was being produced to bleed away.
Side bar: I should define what I mean by "energy." Even though I truly hate the word and what it has become, I still use it because if its intrinsicly fluidic nature. When I say energy I mean the spiritual essence, be it soul, healing, magic (no K damn it), will, intent, what have you. It is the spiritual quanta that we use to "power" our spiritual selves. (My belief in multip selves is likely a different entry in itself). In the traditional Lakota Shamanic structure, energy is an extention of Great Spirit (Tunkasila - pronounced tun-ka-sheela) in everything. It can be harnessed to do spiritual devotions and the like. Furthermore, everything lends a particular flavor to things. Men have male energy and women have women energy. (this is grossly simplified)
Because I believe it is in everything and an extension of The Big Guy, it is ever-renewing. The human form is a dynamo for it can also draw it from the universe to use as desired/needed.
See, Blue is a feeder. She draws part what she needs to balance or replenish her reserves from men and sexual interaction. When I wasn't retaining the bleed off generated by these intense sensations she was taking it up, using it to both replenish herself (which she desperately needed that weekend) as well as keep herself aroused. This is fine, mind you, she can take waht she wants. I don't mind. :)
However, when I had recentered I contained it. Tantra teaches the practitioner how to circulate the sexual energy, keep it out of the genitals so that orgasm becomes a universal experience, both universal in body and mind - take that as you will. The problem that I have with this, mind you I'm hardly through learning (that's important to understand here, is that the circulation becomes mightily selfish. By not putting it out, I'm more or less setunting Blue's enjoyment of our liason(s).
Problematically, if I let it bleed off I lose much of my enjoyment, if not my erection. I don't like this. I am, clearly, a sensation giver and an energy giver. I have an abundance of male energy not including what I can pull out of my surroundings. As it is, in my experience, I am perfectly capable of sharing the generated energy - especially with learning Tantra - through kissing or intercouse.
Now, I'm perfectly happy with the former. See, I frequently make lady_fox and aetrix9 squeak when we kiss. I project large amounts of intent into each kiss, no matter how small. I find my mouth quite a capable conduit. Which brings up an interesting thought - why don't I do this with cunnilingus? Wow. Idiotic oversight.
Most men have the ability to project their energy via their penis. We do it from the first time we masturbate. I'm not precisely referring to ejaculation but that is such a powerful experience that men project during it regardless of their awareness. THe amount to which they project depends greatly on awareness, however, but I believe men reading this will know what I mean. There is much spiritual power within organs that produce new cells regularly, like the testicles. :)
Now, this sort of transfer is quite nice, and beneficial during many sexual acts. However, I'm dissatisfied that I can't glean a way to do it without physical contact. Viewing what works, one would assume that hands would work as well.
Side bar 2: I'm a Reiki practitioner. Reiki is a form of projected healing meditation. Students are taught how to syphon and channel what energy exists externally to bring people back into balance, to heal wounds of all types. One would think I'd have some amount of control over Tantric projection via my hand and arm. Why these two do not intermingle is beyond me.
I'm not sure what route to reconcile the two. Furthermore, I don't like the seemingly necessary talisman touch has become. I strongly, strongly believe that it is strength of will that governs these sort of effects. By that belief, one would assume that simply willing the transfer would facilitate. That it doesn't suggests some sort of blockage, mental or otherwise, that precludes me from doing so.
Could I better project this sans touch, I believe I could greatly enhance my partner's sexual gratification and shift my internal focus on genital or mouth contact to, essentially, pump them up. :) Given Blue's particular anatomical idiosyncracies, this sort of energic transfer would please her greatly which in turn would please me greatly.
Furthermore, this sort of transfer would help keep her balanced (maybe, but not that I'm saying she's off balance in any sort of may... keep her fed?). And, I'm certain others would enjoy the benefits of non-contact transfer. I mean, who wouldn't like that across a crowded room? :)
I'm writing all this, I suppose, because I'm sad about where I am with Trantra. It is teaching me how to be very selfish with sexul energy which I truly do not wish to be. Sex is about engagment with the other person, about pleasing each other. I had hoped that there would be more introduction to the coupled aspects of it all, though this may be a limitation with the book I have or where I am within it.
Regardless, this frustration is minute. I expect it is the sort of thing that will be elucidated as I progress. I have a feeling, as well, that writing this all down I've started the internal process of developing waht I desire. Now that the idea is planted, if not fully fleshed out, it is there. I've convinced myself that it should be possible. Furthermore, when I understand Blue in a biblical sense I think we'll form a connection that will foster these sorts of connections. When you have sex with a person, you can't help but ingest some of their flavor.
Nearly all religions will will tell you the following: Where there's a will, there is a way.
I think that sounds good for me.