The Piecemeal Man (abmann) wrote,
The Piecemeal Man

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Revelation. I am now accepting my black hole status.

I posted yesterday but the phone post was messed up. Apparently posting a friend's locked phone entry gets mixed up when you have custom filters. It posted it custom, but didn't choose a filter which made it effectively private. It was a randm thought that happened while driving to Beloit.
It is odd being back at Beloit, sharing a small dorm bed with another person. I remember why I like having a queen sized bed at home. :) However, I slept surprisingly well up against the wall.

So far my time with deep_blue_ has been ejoyable, though action packed (no, not like that). This girl is incredibly involved in campus life and greek life. Busy bee. I've been running about with her shmoozing and helping write Belcon proposals in - which, let me tell you, is surreal. We spent a few hours at the C-haus last night, first time I'd ever been there. It was good.

I don't seem to have the focus to properly relate the weekend so far. We were up to 5am last night talking and cuddling and talking. Pleasant. Many, many good things have happened. A few bad things as well but I chose my words poorly in a few awkward moments in bar with beer. That shan't happen again.

    Funny things that have happened since returning:
  1. I smiled at a girl who immediately fell over.
  2. I've had two men express how good I looked (both straight, one a TKE)
  3. thegelf blushed bright crimson after stopping in mid conversation with me and saying, "Wow, you look really great!" She realized what she said and didn't pick the conversation back up.
  4. Had a guy actively keep me out of a conversation with a lovely German girl.
    -He's a bit socially awkward and we'd been talking about Kubrick's films. Jen (German girl) didn't like Kubrick. I tried to get her talking about why and moving the conversation that way but social guy kept steering the conversation back to Kubrick which would silence Jen.
    She wanted attention... so I broke away from the conversation and had her join me, chuzhuzhe and deep_blue_ on the couch. :) I think she liked that. Then Dana closed the bar at 4am.
  5. Got googly-eyed by a Theta alumna, who seemed very put out that I was holding Blue. :|
  6. Got drooled on by Jocelyn, who was in town. :) Her reaction to me was fricking hilarious!

    So, coming back here has helped solidify my self-understanding. My confidence is aligning with my new body, I think. It felt so good to have so much affimation of what lady_fox and aetrix9 have been telling me. I mean, I should believe them, but it's good to get th affirmation from sources not so dear to me. I can more easily reconcile the conflicts I have with confidence, attraction etc when I have people I don't know say so.

    I'm done with insecurity. I don't need it any more.
Tags: beloit, confidence, lj-people, self-esteem, teh-wiminz
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