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Sadō - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Sadō
Between fragrant petals
the subtext of Shin-mi
restrains/breaks a dry twig.
Her tea grows cold
beside unretained rice.
--

can't decide if I like "restrains" or "breaks" better... :|

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(Deleted comment)
abmann From: abmann Date: August 26th, 2005 01:19 am (UTC) (Link)
:) Experiences, experiences. I consider it a skewed refernce to Ronin. But I think that works too, honestly.

It's the best part about short poems. Fewer words make iit both more specific as well as open for interpretation.

It's what you put there that counts.

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I like restrains as well.
abmann From: abmann Date: August 26th, 2005 01:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Except that "restrains" is to phonocally close to "unretained." I"m not sure I like those sounds so close....
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