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Much. - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Much.
More odd dreams last night, these old hat from my childhood. I often revisit dreams, but this was the first where I returned to a dream years after it had happened. It's like going to an old haunt years after it was closed.

I returned home with a very old friend, a friend with whom I used to adventure (v. intr.) about town. My house had grown old and musty. It was boarded up and cobweb choked. We entered in awe of the dessicated childhood laid before us. It was chilly but warm to regard. It spoke to us of cookies and marshmallow dreams where we played ignorant of politics, finance, and other worries now firmly entrenched in mind.

On the second floor of my house, of what used to be a sunny hallway was now was now just a gaping maw of dark danger. We leapt a hole in the ground that used to be my laundry chute.and set firmly into my old room. We reminisced of old pets we to whom we gave tours of the house, going so far as to frighten them of this same laundry chute for it could swallow them whole. We rode the chute to the basement where we began searching for secret passages long forgotten.

To our dismay, along with the external windows and doors, all of the old passages we had found or made were bricked over. In my dream we found 6 in total with only the crawl space open. We always feared the crawl space. It was dark, tight and lined with rocks in reality. inn the dream it was a long, narrow horizontally aligned hallway with an ever retreating door at the end. We never went in there, though we knew the door was waiting for us. In the current dream, we knew that we had never gone in there because we knew it was not for children. in dreams when I was a child, it was as if it didn't exist - but we knew it did. It's like we knew it was there but were physically incapable of looking at it or even acknowledging it was there.

Now, having grown up, it was the last secret this house held. The moment we breeched the space, we were attacked. My friend vanished adn I was alone fighting a four legged monster with a vertical mouth lined with titanium teeth. It lashed my wrist with a rubbery tongue. It burned and pulled the flesh from my body. In a moment of raw anger I grabbed a pool cue and thrust it through the monster's mouth. It shivered, sputtered and died

At this point I noticed that my friend had vanished and that it was just me and the door. It was set up like a bad movie dream sequence. Just me and it in spotlight, blackness surrounding. I walked up turned the knob and woke up.

Don't read between the lines if you want to comment on the dream but don't want to read this portion.


I've always been pretty sexually repressed. I mean, I have my kinks but I have alwys felt awkward acting on them. I feel even more awkward when acting out my partner's fantasies. Last night lady_fox and I toyed with bondage. I have been reading up on Shibari, japanese bondage, and we bought rope and such last month. I had been wary to try, not becaues I really didn't want to, but because there was the pressure to do it perfectly - one most likely self imposed. I feel like I have to know precisely what I'm doing the minute I'm involved, that I have to be Mr. BDSM. I blame television.

I realize this is not the case. I've just built new sexual experiences into a terrible beast. That's what the thing in my dream was. The monster, I hate to say was a giant vagina with four legs - think spider legs. The tounge attacking my wrist was clearly the ropes I used last night to restrain Fox. It had no eyes, which I noted in the dream too, probably because I blind folded her too. Not sure about the teeth, though. So, when I say I stabbed the thing through the mouth with a pool cue, you can probably guess what it was. :)

The dream was an amalgam of beliefs and experinces all relating to self sexual expression. Those passages were diversions, probably relating to masturbation from childhood. Up until high school I ignored girls because I did want to think of the pressure of sex. I used to beat myself up about it alot, usually because of partcuilar proclivities at that age that I was convinced would lead to failed performance in a "normal" sexual encounter. I was clearly messed up back then.

I'm pleased to say, though, that I conquored this particular barrier. I can even do some of the first layer shibari knots, which are very cool. I have to admit that I'm tempted to get pictures of the process and post them here. Edit: To clarify - I'm not going to be posting porn, people. I may... MAY post pictures of the knot work as Fox and I learn. That sort of info and ability is cool to spread. Plus, I want to be able to talk about sex, my sexlife. I'm not ashamed of it, yet I'm not sure why I can't openly talk about it. I may be lying to myself.



I'll be making a sexlife filter. Let me know if you want in.

--

Unrelated: I never recieved my license plate renewal form. Due to this I have been driving on expired plates for THE WHOLE SUMMER. I'm very glad that the DMV express is right next to my office. :|
I very much hope that the DMV clerk cannot fine me because the DOT site says I can be fined up to $200 for driving with expired plates. I assume that would have to come from the police if they pulled me over, not the DMV. I'd much rather take the $10 late fee than $200 fine + late fee.

Stupid DOT. You know, I just noticed tis week that they fucked up my address on my driver's license. It has my old Beloit address even though I gave them my Verona addrss when I got the damn thing. Frick' idiots.

Edit: WOOHOO! I had the nicest DMV guy ever! Their system ws hella broken. It had my car registered to somebody else! They fixed the registration, fixed the address, gave me new stickers and DID NOT FINE ME. And it only took 30 minutes.
I've never been so happy to pay $68 dollars before.

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33 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
justphoenix From: justphoenix Date: August 5th, 2005 02:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

sex filter

Sure. Would you like to be added to mine?

abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 02:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: sex filter

Ok. :) Should help my bashfulness.
truededication From: truededication Date: August 5th, 2005 02:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
How do you make a sex filter? Please add me. ;)
abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 02:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
You make a custom friends group. I'm not sure if free accounts can do it, if you have a free account.
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abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 02:55 pm (UTC) (Link)
Your excitement is frightening. :P
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moocowrich From: moocowrich Date: August 5th, 2005 03:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sex filter? Sure, I like the sex. And the Will. Haha.

My plates expired in May, but I did manage to renew them on time. The problem is that I haven't put the new stickers on yet. This morning a cop was following me around, presumably because of my "expired plates". I didn't get pulled over, so that's pretty lucky. I'd hate to have my time wasted by not wasting my time to begin with.
abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 03:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm just pissed that I never got my renewal. I changed my god-damned address twice and still they fuck it up.
dragonflyknight From: dragonflyknight Date: August 5th, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sure, I like wills life unedited. I'm not all that worried about plates, though I should check, it's been a while. What I usually forget is my insurance, i've taken to just sticking the damn card in my wallet.
abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 03:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ditto
smed From: smed Date: August 5th, 2005 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
You're on my filter... it's only fair that I'm on yours...

And very interested in these shibari knots...
abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll link to a site when I get out of work. Or search on google for Shibari... I think that's how you spell it.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: August 5th, 2005 06:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm assuming that I'm automatically in on that lock?

Yay, for happy DMV-ness. :)
abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 06:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
No, I was planning on leaving you in the dark for all our future sex talk. I find tying up nothing stimulating...
chuzhuzhe From: chuzhuzhe Date: August 5th, 2005 06:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I would like to be on the filter too. However, be warned that if you post sex pictures of you and Fox on it, I will have trouble looking you in the eye the next time I see you. :)
abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
There's a difference between posting sex pictures and pictures of the knot work - this can be done tastefully. I'm not going to be posting porn.
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abmann From: abmann Date: August 5th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
lerite From: lerite Date: August 5th, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Interested.
abmann From: abmann Date: August 6th, 2005 07:57 am (UTC) (Link)
When did you start reading?
vicalis From: vicalis Date: August 6th, 2005 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hit me.
33 comments or Leave a comment