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That pressure is building up again and I think I don't like it. I… - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
That pressure is building up again and I think I don't like it. I feel the need to write, but I don't want to be creative at the moment.

I don't want Dreamwalker to be rambly. I don't want it to turn into some really obnoxious and vague Dave Sim rip off or even close to what he writes. I want it to be te essence of.. well, what I want my life to be on some level.

huh, damn. I've been bitching the last few days that I hate how Stephen King keeps writing himself into his stories... When I originally write Harbinger it was so easy because it was something (sort of) that happened in my life. Harbinger was based so much on a friend of mine before his parents crushed his passion.

He and I used to aventure through our neighborhood. We were never very good at it. We'd pack a lunch and always, always, always end up on the hill outside our junior high, subsequently renamed to a middle school for no good reason. I remember a time when we sat there and started talking about how our junior high looked like an elephant... I think. It may have been the town houses that bulldozed our favorite "Commando" spot.

I never understood his parents. They had children for work force. If the kids had free time, his parents would get pissy and say he isn't working hard enough and make him do yard work. Lame

Much of the main character, James (name taken from my own middle name) is me searching for something. I do not think I'm looking for my old frind but everything else in the story so far (yeah, so much of three pages. Shush.) It sems so easy to write because the story is what I want, what I wish. The images are easily the most vivid I've ever had while writing.

I guess I'm worried that it's conceit to write myself into a story. The movie Adaptation, which I dislike the more I think about it, was an exercise in masturbation for the writer (Kaufman?).

It's just hubris to think that I'm like that, though. I'm really not any good at this writing thing yet. I'm really only starting out. Actually, I feel like I've started over this semester. I'm suddenly writing in a wholly different medium that is both perfect and completely wrong for what I want. I get the visuals that I can write and have funky text and dialigue. Why is it so frustrating to write, then?

List:It's halting. It's jerky. I have to switch between two modes of though that are diametrically opposed functionalities as set up in the human brain. It fries both my brains when I'm doing and I tend to give up without accomplishing as much as anything else. With a short story you have progression. Three pages can be a life altering story. Three page poetry is intense, near epic.

Three pages of a comic.,.. that's like a stanza, an intro. Nothing. I've been stewing over the first three pages and it equals next to nothing.

Even though I bitch, I can't change the nature of the story. THe history is already there, it's my history. The story is going to me oddly biographical, though names will be changed to protect the innocent.

Damn. I was told once, by Clint, that you shouldn't talk about a story like this. By doing so you pull the energy out of it and it becomes harder to write. Am I trying to doom myself to failure.

Probably not. I jut needed to release some of the pressure that's building up in my head. It's still there along with a murder of crows. Fucking love that term. Murder of crows. Lakota believe that the crow is a messenger. What does it mean whn a murder get's in there? Lakota didn't call them murders, not in our senses of the words though. It's like a crow mafia. Your message is death when you see six billion crows, especially when they wake you up at dawn calling from the trees.

I think that's a scene for some point. I'll have to remember that.

I'm starting to sound like Charlie Kaufman. i keep answering my own questions. Am I becoming a terrible writer? Do I need a work shop?

No, of course not. That's stupid. You're being stupid....

Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: Fiona Apple - The First Taste (4:47)

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Comments
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: March 5th, 2004 12:50 am (UTC) (Link)
*hug* I do like the story though. And to an extent, every writer writes themselves... it's hard not to... it's just a matter of how blatant you are.. SK is REALLY blatant. You are not so. :)
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