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Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist
I find the sloth of today insulting.


I feel so icky. I relate this to falling off the dieting dump truck and then having it pop a wheely on my skull. Suffice it to say, I'm lame for letting myself lie there and take it for so long. I am contemplating fasting for a day or two to kick the horrendous sugar addiction that I've redeveloped, as it comes back only stronger when allowed.

There's this theory see, the opponent process theory, that says your body builds tolerances to chemicals. The higher you get the more you consistently need to imbibe to reach similar highs. Key to this theory is the re-addiction process. They body, once recognizing the re-introduction of an agent into the body, restores its previous tolerances within days, if not hours. Thus, re addiction takes pace when our pleasures circuits gets angry when we don't get as high as quickly as we like.

This is generally followed by loss of self control, increased dosage frequency or, in many cases, over does. I think I OD'ed on sweet today - the remains of New Hire day donuts. This, I'm head achy and tired and irritable because my body wants another hard, fast it. I think by fasting I'm reasserting control over my predisposition to overeat, both sweet and fatty foots. My hopes, of course, are to kick the sugar fit and retrain my brain that such indulgences are likely to end in pain of some sort.

Psychologically, this shouldn't work. I'm giving myself the stimulus and know when it's coming, and thus am unable to condition myself. I don't exactly believe tis, mostly because i think human beings have the ability to separate their minds from their bodies in such a way to retrain bad behaviours. It has nothing to do with something like astral project 9that's a whole different post) but more a divorce from internal causation. If I treat my body like a completely separate entity I can separate the conflicting patterns.

In a way, it's a self-imposed schism, creating two entities from one. There's the train er - my mind and the trainee - my body. My body has reactions that I can feel but from which I am intellectually divorced. Subsequently, my body is "given" it's own awareness and can learn from these sensations. I know it sounds crazy. The culmination, really, is a tangible force redirecting me. By visualizing me outside of myself it lends credence to the stimulus.

Yep, sounds really crazy.
Let me break it down further: "Bad me!" [smack]
Only fluids until noon tomorrow.

Oh and for the many inquiries - Electra is fine. It's a project.

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head hurts so bad

fasting = migraines. Who knew?
I go eat a sammich and twitch.

I &hearts Beast Wars. I bought the whole series today.
Season 1 will be here Friday.



I'm a consumer whore.
Shut the fuck up.

ow

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