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Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist
This entry is a long one and very random. I have broken it into sections if yo want them in more coherent (slightly) sections.

Sleep is generally the first thing to go when sanity is at its nader.

I think I can't sleep because during the week I can never sleep. I'm still worried about grad school (namely MIT) and the whole real life thing that takes place after college.

Conclusions regarding the future:

1. It is easily the most frusrtarting thing imaginable and unimaginable.

2. If Lovcraft-like gods exist, I will try very hard to be eaten first.

3. Jobs are both easier and harder to find and get.

4. Graduate school is more a game of numbers than I thought, probably akin to craps or kino.

Conclusions regarding my future:

1. There is always some safety net, but at least this time it isn't my father.

2. I'm a both a better and a worse candidate than previously surmised.

3. I need to let off this stress as it is huring many reltionships.

On the plus side, I've decided that I'm going to enter the Sexiest Gamer contest that runs monthly on sexiestgamer.com. Judging by the guy in first place, I'll be a shoe-in with my red hate on a background of all my monitors. Subsequently, if I do get posted at the site I shall require all of you to vote for me, somewhere between 6 and 9 on thier scale. Reasoning: come on.....

Anybody got a decent digital camera I could borrow for a few days?

I plan to pose in my red hat and some nice clothes with my Boffer Keyblade and Cactuar. I think it would be damn fun to win and be a huge esteem booster. I also like the T-shirts they give out as prizes. : )

I think the insomnia today stems from a weird build up of some sort of something in my body. I think it could be creativity that found some outlet tonight as I finally started White Faction 2 - 6 pages in now. I'm in the process of revealing the bad guy begind the comic: Rasputin. Mind you the choice for villain was made by Matt and myself before we read/saw Hellboy and, I at least, was sad when Rasputin was the sorcerer in that series. However, Rasputin is a centuries old cyborg in our comic rather than an wooji-wooji Russian.

I'm shirtless and have nothing to do.

I want a solution but none are forthcoming that will actually solve anything. I have three jobs from which I'm waiting to hear and two schools. if I get nothing else, should I go to Arizona? What i I get nothing? I'm tempted to say "fuck it" and dive straigth into real life in a new city. Luckily I can survive a few months off my savings and I find it hard to believe that I would be unable to find a job in a few months "out at sea." That prospect is both exciting and doable. Perhaps I could even get my Dad to pay for the U-Haul, that would back for a happy bunny.

I compulsively organized my CDs today... twice actually as I got it done once and realized I'd done it in a silly way such that the items most likely to be transported were in the less transportable case. I have the coolest new steel case from Sir Wally. It was over priced but now holds all of my music and all my laptop system CDs. I think it had 1 slot left over for something completely random... Did I put porn in it...? Ah no. The Office X that Sphynx burned for me.

Fix is going full bore into the crafting soap and such with Maryam around. They have made so much soap, candles and lip balm in the last few days it's amazing. Must remember to tell Fox to talk to Robin about reserving a table at Kcon if that hasn't happened yet.


Nearly 4am. Still not tired at all. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. on the plus side I'm not hungry at all. Weight down to 210, but that may have been influenced by weird water/food habits the day before I weighed myself. I"m expecting it to be slightly higher on Tuesday. However, kudos as I'm still losing weight. It would seem that the 200lbs goal is not going to produce as streamlined a bunny as previous conjectured; however my belly is considerably smaller adn I feel less self conscious about wander in an unbuttoned shirt (note: sexiest gamer competition is a response to the weight loss, btw).

I have forgotten the existence of Dreamwalker comic. I hit a hard road block that shit my braiun down. i think I took the book in the completely wrong direction last time. Ineed to work on it more. Fox, you shouild tie me to my chair and force me to work on it this week.

Should play less SSX Tricky. I think it's leading to a general depression of intellectual/creative functions that will only get worse if I keep with video games. I need some friend time to even out, but the Nathan lounge is very uncomfortable when Nathan is sick. It feeels like he wants to be alone but has a duty to keep leting people hang out. Could just be the process I'd have influencing my judgement, but I'm not sure.

Never read Jimmy Corrigan, the world's smartest boy. I've taken the bullet for the team on this one. You know who you are.

Im done because my arm is cramping.


Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: Tumble weeds...

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I keep looking outside expecting daylight.
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