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In how many words can I say nothing? - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
In how many words can I say nothing?
The week continues to drag on and on and on. My coworkers, for some reason, are getting more stressed. This seems unnecessary because they're all in better shape as far as workload than ever before. I think some of them just want to be stressed over things. Lame. I'm running out of work to do and keep asking team mates for work.

As for my stress, well... it's ridiculous. I'm not stressed about getting things done. I still have two weeks to get it all done. What I do find I'm stressed over is that I don't have much work. Everyone has more than I do in their work list, barring the newest guy. So, I start to worry that I'm not doing my fair share. I suppose part of me is moderately worried that I'll get fired or some such, which is insane. It's not like I haven't asked people for extra work to do. So, I'm apparently some sort of imbecile over this, being stressed about not being stressed. Yeah, that’s certainly logical.

I've got two explanations for my current "predicament:"
1) I’m very good at my job and work efficiently.
2) I'm terrible at my job and am missing gobs of problems.
These explanations are not testable, unless I can track what customers use the functions I've tested and track the bugs that crop up that would be findable with more protracted or scrupulous testing. I, of course, prefer to assume the latter which offers a new kind of stress which feeds my inferiority complex and all.

Noting all this as written, I think I'm starting to buy into the corporate myth I wrote of previously. Not good. What I should try to do is take this and apply it to my personal pursuits. But I don't have anyone judging me (not that I do, as far as I know) behind my back waiting to tug the proverbial rug from under me. Any way I see it, I'm deluding myself in some form. I just need to relax. I can't rightfully lose my job for my current situation nor is there any way to track the quality of my work really. Wish I could, though, as I'm curious now.

I write about work too often. I don't want to become one of those fools. But how do I avoid it? That's the rub. I enjoy analyzing my own life (and all of yours, you just don't realize it). I suppose I could write about Gaiman's 1602, which I bought last weekend and have barely cracked - like all the books I've bought since college. I could talk about how Ginger is staring at me while lying on her back. I could write how I'm starting to freak out about the apartment because we're having guests this weekend. But these things seem in consequential.

What are my current interests? Work. The Gym. Fashion. Art. Iris. I think I've exhausted anything new in any of these areas. I may need to start scheduling myself to go read something new and present it here. Like home work. fynixsoul actually had a decent idea when she broke her life into major topics and wrote about each. It would keep me thinking, but the frequency with which I post lends itself to these meandering things that I'm writing, much like now. I just don't do enough in a work week to warrant all the crap I manage to write about.

Maybe I'm just getting stale.
Maybe my brain hasn't recovered from college yet.
Maybe I'm just over thinking... again.

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