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Strips that bind. - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Strips that bind.
What do you have for me
these lackadaisical days
pure as sickness?

I am relaxed in fire
and a throe (maybe two)
that disregard the old interior
redesigned for nonexistent children.
Yellow walls, feverish,
stricken with scratches and taint,
they are the insanity which binds.

The sightless others, countless others,
require moments of drowning,
vastly, in you. A streamer of prayer
burning brighter than sound
implodes your world
condensing eons of creative ocean.

Sink before you swim.
We will carry you
to the shore
wrapped in yellow paper.
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Comments
ocarina_justin From: ocarina_justin Date: March 1st, 2005 03:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Okay, this one is very difficult to understand. I think I've read it about ten times now. I like the very vivid imagery, as well as the symbolism present. I like the subtle connections between stanzas.

Reading it for the eleventh time, it seems to make the most sense (to me) when I pretend that it is you pleading with your muse. A frustrated conversation of an artist, trying to define the line between madness and creativity, the compulsion to produce art and sickness, the act of creation and death. Perhaps I'm putting too much there, but I think I really like it.

edits:
stanza one, line three, delete the word "so"

Stanza two, line six, delete the word "and" at the beginning of the line

Stanza three -
the portion reading "...require moments of drowning,/vastly, in you. A streamer of prayer/..." is a difficult one. The third stanza is very important, I think, but it is also the one that is the most difficult. First of all, I am not sure if I like the word "vastly" - although I'm not sure I don't like it either. Think about it. Also, instead of a period, I would put a line break after "in you" in the third line.

Stanza four - this is the stanza that in some ways works worst with my interpretation of the poem. It accomplishes a lot in the four lines, however. The only thing I question is the use of the word "we" in line two instead of "I", but I assume you had a reason for it.

All in all, relatively minor edits, I think. The major things are all working well.
abmann From: abmann Date: March 1st, 2005 03:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Did the first two edits. Debating the rest. Not sure what to do about the third stanza.
(Deleted comment)
abmann From: abmann Date: March 1st, 2005 03:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
boom!
3 comments or Leave a comment