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Ignis Fatuus - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
abmann
abmann
Ignis Fatuus
I am wearing my red hat. It is my power, my tribute to myself. It makes me sensational, as I cannot feel so normally.
I hide behind bright colors, flashy exteriors, illusions. It is alll illusion. I am not who i want to be, but I can pretend I am the Artist, the Writer, the Poet, the Socialite. Anything is possible with mutable armor, fabric imbued with intent and intent, faiure after failure. It is the object upon which I base my glory, phantasmic as it is.

And if it could be as solid as I deem it, I would win having built permance to my ignis fatuus. But, I have built an impractibly grandiose illusion, one that is so large it is buckling under its own magnificence. Even it can not handle itself which gives me nonexistant chances to survive. I will be crushed by my own machinations. I wonder if I will survive, which ever portion of "I" that exists - created or birthed.

Will I be as I am now but without dragonfly's sweeping about my head? Would I build new facades that drive me to what I want, what ever that may be? Would it take over, the tumultous and dessicated body of my ghosted reasoning? Were would I stand in there?

What is this enigma that I have created? What myth have a built that I do not even know it? I must have built my own Sisyphus, my own rock and placed it on the mountain of daily life. It is nothing that I can understand even though I have made it. Autonomy is winning, and it is ripping my mind into a dichotomous morass of fluid thought and antagonistic equations. The math equates to false pretense with variables of human cognition jumbling the damn thing. It is chaos theory applied to human growth. A fractal of false pretense.

I do not enjoy false pretenses. They are fragile becaues they are based on illgical ground, off the weaknesses I cannot over come. Were I to found my illusions on real bases, on things that I confidently am, they would stand past the rapture. This is not what we seek. We wish to cover our gaps, our iniquities, our base reality. By hiding them we acheive godhood; We ascend.

In ascentson we lose ourselves.
In losing ourselves we become our ideal.
But we cannot get there with wings of ivory, idolizing a personalities we did not constrain when they were characters in an internal play. Hebephrenia reigns.
41 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 23rd, 2005 04:19 am (UTC) (Link)
I like that Picture. it should be the cover to Infonography.
abmann From: abmann Date: January 23rd, 2005 04:29 am (UTC) (Link)
Not sure if the author gets to choose the cover. I might be able to use as an author pic, if I get that option.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 23rd, 2005 04:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm pretty sure the author does get to choose the cover... it'd be silly otherwise.
abmann From: abmann Date: January 23rd, 2005 04:39 am (UTC) (Link)
Publisher probably'll have an artist(s) on their payroll to design covers. Otherwise they may have specific layout needs.
chuzhuzhe From: chuzhuzhe Date: January 23rd, 2005 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
I LOVE that you guys just had that conversation over lj. Will, do you know what the deal is with martial arts? Does Pete still exist?
abmann From: abmann Date: January 23rd, 2005 05:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am the least likely person to know. Fro has Pete's email, I've been told.

As for the conversation. What? It's not like we were in the same room. She was totally at work. WE'RE NOT PATHETIC!!!!1!ONE!ROOT121 :þ
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 23rd, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
'sides, we couldn't have had that conversation if we were in the same room. Only one computer.
abmann From: abmann Date: January 23rd, 2005 11:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
NOT TO SAY THAT WE WOULD!!!

WE'RE NOT PATHETIC!!!ONE
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 24th, 2005 02:05 am (UTC) (Link)
I'ma start a new thread now.
abmann From: abmann Date: January 24th, 2005 02:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Can't take the slanty? Riker is sad.

My icon set is getting very cool. Need to get rid of the rest that are not me.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 24th, 2005 02:24 am (UTC) (Link)
:) I like the gir one... you can't get rid of it.
abmann From: abmann Date: January 24th, 2005 02:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Depends. I may have you get pictures of me dancing like that and I can make the animation.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 24th, 2005 03:06 am (UTC) (Link)
ok... that'd be ok.

We're booked! Last thing I need to do is get us a hotel in Seattle.
abmann From: abmann Date: January 24th, 2005 02:56 am (UTC) (Link)
I need to eat, as I haven't since "breakfast."
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: January 24th, 2005 03:07 am (UTC) (Link)
eatin' is good. you need to do that. I'm going to miss you after work.. :(

*hug*
41 comments or Leave a comment