On Creative Blocks
This is my typical refrain: I don’t do enough creative things. I was about to complain on Twitter, which is super useful, but figured I could undercut some of my normal patterns and do something useful.
Yet… My brain is positively screaming at me that it is all worthless because I’m not doing anything functional with it. In my head, it is one thing to take pretty pictures but it is another for other people to buy them. It’s never been enough to do things for myself- I always feel like I need something to show for it. Money. Galleries. Fawning wimminzs.
So what is it that my brain is expecting? That I should be able to just fall ass backwards into art shows and fans?
I think that’s what my brain thinks is success, not having to work for it. (And I suspect that is white male privilege).
I am, ultimately, unsure why it isn’t sufficient to do things for myself. It’s probably some huge tangled mass of childhood trauma and laziness. I need validation. And I have never gotten it. Which is a lie because I’ve had a gallery show(sort of); sold some photos; published in a (small) magazine; shot weddings signed through word of mouth. And etc. so, I clearly did something right.
Ok, rather than let this devolve into some sort of pity party, how about I list creative things I enjoy doing:
writing on my corner of the internet’s
I suspect it would be useful to figure out what blocks each of these in my head, what insecurities or expectations I have to attend to in order to do one if the things above. Each have their own set of crazies worth exploring.
At the least, I have a list if things I like to do more but don’t for reasons to be determined.