The Piecemeal Man (abmann) wrote,
The Piecemeal Man
abmann

Chipping cogs

I haven't the mind power for anything eloquent. I think previous posts on xmas and banality sapped my literary might.

It might be my last root concern for my life: not becoming my father. He is a very alone person. He has no friends and does very little with his life. The only mark he'll be leaving on the world, really, is myself adn my sister Kristin. He's the type of guy that will be mourned only in family. Coworkers will forget him, management will replace him and that will be that.

I on the otherhand want to leave some legacy that is not chromosomal. This is why I create things. This is why I put them here. This is why I bought domain space. I do not want to be forgotten. That may be the root, really.

My friends in high school and college often forgot me. I'd not be included, found, sought when groups of them got together to do something (this is why I eventually moved in tower). I need to be remembered. I need to know that people considered me. Often when I'm over looked, i think, I am considered but not informed that I was. I'd like to think that college and high schol people wanted me around but that mitigating circumstances ruled me out.... circumstances more than "I want to go now, screw him."

Example: vicalis coordinated many games where I wasn't called for he knew I prefered not play certain games or games with him and or dream_speaker were playing. Logical, truly (course I was still sad that this was the case).

This makes all sense to me. This begs the question, then, what can be done about it? That's the real problem, methinks.

For curious minds - what sparked this entry. So it's bad enough when I get upset that my entries are ignored. What's worse is when I get upset that my comments are getting ignored on other people's journals. What I believed to be a positive response to depressed entry has, as of the writing of this, been unaddressed when very similar comments have spawned long tete-a-tetes.

I am not proud of this thought process. But there it is, none-the-less.
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