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Chipping cogs - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
Chipping cogs
I haven't the mind power for anything eloquent. I think previous posts on xmas and banality sapped my literary might.

It might be my last root concern for my life: not becoming my father. He is a very alone person. He has no friends and does very little with his life. The only mark he'll be leaving on the world, really, is myself adn my sister Kristin. He's the type of guy that will be mourned only in family. Coworkers will forget him, management will replace him and that will be that.

I on the otherhand want to leave some legacy that is not chromosomal. This is why I create things. This is why I put them here. This is why I bought domain space. I do not want to be forgotten. That may be the root, really.

My friends in high school and college often forgot me. I'd not be included, found, sought when groups of them got together to do something (this is why I eventually moved in tower). I need to be remembered. I need to know that people considered me. Often when I'm over looked, i think, I am considered but not informed that I was. I'd like to think that college and high schol people wanted me around but that mitigating circumstances ruled me out.... circumstances more than "I want to go now, screw him."

Example: vicalis coordinated many games where I wasn't called for he knew I prefered not play certain games or games with him and or dream_speaker were playing. Logical, truly (course I was still sad that this was the case).

This makes all sense to me. This begs the question, then, what can be done about it? That's the real problem, methinks.

For curious minds - what sparked this entry. So it's bad enough when I get upset that my entries are ignored. What's worse is when I get upset that my comments are getting ignored on other people's journals. What I believed to be a positive response to depressed entry has, as of the writing of this, been unaddressed when very similar comments have spawned long tete-a-tetes.

I am not proud of this thought process. But there it is, none-the-less.
9 comments or Leave a comment
lerite From: lerite Date: December 30th, 2004 11:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
left message on answering machine of Iris (occurs to me that I didn't mention area code 608, oops). This lotr thing you've spoken of to others: are we welcome? No is an acceptable answer, of course, and alternate plans involve little brother and a bunch of his friends whom I like and don't see often enough, so you needn't feel guilty if we are not wanted.
abmann From: abmann Date: December 31st, 2004 12:07 am (UTC) (Link)
All are welcome. :) Iris says it's ok too, she got the message.

We have misc snacks and such. Bring more if you'd like. We also have much booze but not much to mix it with. We're purists. :)

We'll be starting around 11 am-ish. So the whole thing should be done around 11pm. Still time to count down. If you'd like to duck out to hit something else, no worries.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: December 31st, 2004 01:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Come!! Give me a call for directions when you're awake... I guess I'll buzz you at around 10:30 if I haven't heard anything from you.

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abmann From: abmann Date: December 31st, 2004 12:12 am (UTC) (Link)
I need to get published. It's becoming less about money and more about being known. This brings up another issue: Am I looking for fame or legacy? And waht's wrong with having a body of work that is unpublished?

THe former question requires thought. THe latter.. well, then no one knows about it if it's not out there. Not a very good legact, especially when I'm not planning to have children to which to pass it.

Not sure how to do that with Artwork. As for poetry, well I'm to blame completely. I have two books that need to be edited (one of which Iris will edit when I actually give it to her).
(Deleted comment)
abmann From: abmann Date: December 31st, 2004 12:25 am (UTC) (Link)


kittydesade From: kittydesade Date: December 31st, 2004 12:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Along those lines, Conan, ABM, I have a friend who's going into independant publishing with a fair degree of success. If you'd like I can coordinate some stuff with her, find out when/if she's getting ready to accept people's stuff, etc. I know she's going to look at a novel packet I'm setting up for her, I can ask about you guys to.

As for anything else in the publishing field, ask me, yo. We do all need to get published. Frankly, I'm amazed I've had as much success as I have. But... but ... I don't know. There's a but in here somewhere. We will get published if I have to start up indie presses to publish us. Dammit.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: December 31st, 2004 12:26 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm not intentionally ignoring the first half of this post by responding to the second half. Mostly it's a conversation I know we've had on prior occations, and I'm not sure I have anything new on the subject (besides the friendly face squish and loving adoration). Anywho...it occurs to me that there are two really surefire ways to leave a mark: Fame and Infamy. Now we all know the second is more fun. You could hijack a bus of nuns, set it on fire, and drive it through a pre-school. Or you could become a drug lord whereby you sell out your own sisters to unit the chartells. The first you seem to be working on and understand to the best of anyone's ability (I mean, does fame really make any sense to anyone?). But I'm really willing to bet you haven't given serious consideration to infamy. Consider this, you could overthrow the government and institute your own authoritarian dictatorship just to rub Ian's nose in the fact that he was never able to do it.

OR you could be a mordern day gun-slinger, like that guy in DC, but you know, kewler. Um...hmmm...er...pirate? There are a bunch of infamous pirates.

That's all I got. It's tough to appeal to the masses. Maybe you should run for an office of some kind...or get into porn. Everyone will mourn Ron Jeremy.
abmann From: abmann Date: December 31st, 2004 12:34 am (UTC) (Link)
Porn? Maybe when I'm thin. I do have the webcam and I do like sex.

Infamy? You know, if I had the funds and a neat lair, I'd do it. Like serouisly, I know I could be a right bastard and try to destroy the world. But that's just it: I'd want to be the crazy trying-to-destroy-the-world guy. If I succeed, I win and lose at exactly the same time.

That is unless I get some person that foils me without turning me over to authorities everytime... because they're fucking dumb... or Captain Amazing.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: December 31st, 2004 02:02 am (UTC) (Link)
how about you destroy the world and I'll save it and then you can cleverly get away every time? Then we're both famous.
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