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KFC OMG - Portrait of a Young Man as The Artist — LiveJournal
Stole from anfractuousity:

    There are many horrible jobs in this life. Emergency room janitor. Sow inseminator. Earwax collector. Sarah Palin's grammar checker. Glenn Beck's fluffer. Republican. New Jersey.

    But when I sit back, sip my scotch and scan the newswires for sundry effluvia indicative of our culture's joyful hellbound deathspin, the realization soon dawns that I can think of few gigs more nightmare-inducingly, soul-deadeningly horrible than being an executive for garbage food megacorp.

    That is to say, a VP for McDonald's, Taco Bell, Burger King or their ilk, someone who sits around all day trying to discover new ways to manipulate, coerce, poison, and otherwise flagrantly kill millions of humans worldwide by convincing them to eat mass-produced, industrial feedlot, chemical-blasted garbage you should not feed to your dog unless you totally hate him and want him to get heart disease and die.
    The KFC Double-down: One sandwich to Kill You All

Aside from agreeing with everything he's saying and - oh wow, I agree as a man struggling with issues born from diet too rich in fast food - how thoroughly I believe that traditional fast food is poisoning the world, fattening our children and in general makes me devastatingly sad to look at their product sources (watch Food Inc [this is why Fox and I only buy meat from a farm in Paoli now {I'm serious}]): I would totally try the KFC Double(bypass)-down if I actually ate flour and sugar anymore.

Yes, I admit it my first response to the sandwich was "Holy crap that looks awesome!" And then I remembered the last time I ate KFC three years ago and had one of the HARDEST low-blood-sugar crashes I'd had in recent memory. I'm pretty sure the entirety of their food is modified food starch and corn syrup.

Lastly: I could absolutely make a much better version of that sandwich with locally raised chicken, bacon and cheese.
As soon as I figure out how to do low-GI fry batter.

Last lastly: The KFC DD will kill your touch screen device. OH NOES!

Last last lastly: Vegan Double-Down

Current Mood: embarrassed embarrassed

35 comments or Leave a comment
back_track From: back_track Date: April 13th, 2010 01:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
I agree with you about fast food poisoning the world.
abmann From: abmann Date: April 13th, 2010 01:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
With volume pricing, incentives for quantity production, it's a race to the bottom. Why is this OK?

Akio Toyoda just a few months ago hit the nail on the head when the whole acceleration debacle went down in that the push to grow sales faster than they could meet their own quality standards was killing their business. It's the same thing.

But, I hear the Prius is much better with mustard.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: April 13th, 2010 01:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ranty McRantinstein

The phrase "But when I sit back, sip my scotch and scan the newswires for sundry effluvia indicative of our culture's joyful hellbound deathspin, the realization soon dawns that I can think of few gigs more nightmare-inducingly, soul-deadeningly horrible than being an executive for garbage food megacorp." wins today's Most Pompus Statement Award.

Seriously, the upper class white "pro-farming" "pro-organic" anti-food industry people are starting to piss me off. Sitting back and paying as high as 10 times out of pocket for your food as compared to people on food stamps and then lambasting the system that we have without offering viable alternatives besides "make food more expensive" is about as bad as watching kids drowning from your yacht and criticizing the lifegaurd for not swimming hard enough to save them all.

It's really easy to demonize fast food and corner store purveyors, but why not talk about why it is that it's economically non-viable for a grocery store to open in the inner city? McD's is there because there's a market and no one else is there. McD's operates the way it does because the market directs the most efficient way for them to operate. There's no malice. They're not sitting in some huge black tower with a firey glowing arch and scheming on how to kill people or convince them to start consuming liquid french fries. They're just trying to run a business and make the best possible product with respect to price. It's exactly the same way that every other successful business is operating. The person who wrote this article is functioning in the same way that the McD's executives are while they're nay-saying at them. Without the mass-production of food, the industrialization of food production and farming, and the genetic and chemical altering of our foodstuffs, a much greater percentage of the planet would be starving than already is. More over, without these systems becoming even more efficient, the next generation and the one after that are going to see even more starving people than we do.

And for the record, Whole Foods has worse business practices than Walmart!

I feel like I'm in a Calvin comic.

None of that is to say there aren't problems. And there are solutions. I'm negative about corn subsidies for example. I'm negative about owning genetic patents and using that to price-fix. But I'm willing to have a real discussion about viable fixes: legislative changes in the Farmer Brown bill to shift the targets of American food production, trade agreement changes in NAFTA to allow for changes in currency differentials, government landbanks targeted at community garden programs coupled with social initiatives to supply and educate the patrons of those parsals, Walmart's new test program to encourage local farmers to change their planting away from heirloom varieties into more mainstream production like potatoes and onions, removing organic certification from the private industry and making it a federal program, redesign of the foodstamps program to change what can and can't be purchased with them....things like that. Hell, even food education programs starting at elementary school so people can make informed choices.

Edited at 2010-04-13 01:35 pm (UTC)
abmann From: abmann Date: April 13th, 2010 01:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Ranty McRantinstein

I absolutely agree that there is a lot wrong with the system and, at this point, it would take massive governmental intervention to change anything. Anyone in power right now or likely the next few years is too panzy-assed to do it.

I dint know what else to say here.
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: April 13th, 2010 01:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm wicked excited to try the double-down. I read about it months ago when they were running it in test markets. Em then made some to see how it goes.

I'm always excited with the fast food industry puts out something new. It's really interesting how you get a machine to change like that. Something akin to releasing a car that also turns into a boat in my mind.

What are the low-GI restrictions again?
abmann From: abmann Date: April 13th, 2010 02:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm trying to eat around 50 GI most days. That means all sugar and most flours are totally out of my diet.

I'm essentially eating low to no carbohydrates other than fruits, but only some fruits.
From: (Anonymous) Date: April 13th, 2010 01:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
assfingers From: assfingers Date: April 13th, 2010 01:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
I concur with this statement.
From: thegelf Date: April 13th, 2010 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Honestly, the double down doesn't look nearly as horrifying as some of the other fast food concoctions out there. Heck, Taco Bell has scarier stuff on their regular menu.

And if you're stuck in a fast food desert, Wendy's still has a plain baked potato on its menu, and you can even get broccoli on top of it. Just don't look too closely at the cheeze wiz they dump on top... or ask them to hold it and just get sour cream instead.
lady_fox From: lady_fox Date: April 13th, 2010 08:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
The Wendy's Baked Potato with Sour Cream and Chives is awesome.
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anfractuousity From: anfractuousity Date: April 13th, 2010 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
I wonder what else, besides humans and touchscreen devices, the DD can kill. I wonder if it'll be the new thing to put in people's gas tanks for revenge; god knows that car'll never run again.
moocowrich From: moocowrich Date: April 14th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC) (Link)
I plan on eating one million Double-Downs. And losing weight. I'll be the next Jared, but I'll have eaten tastier food.

Step 1: Eat Double Downs
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Profit!
nathan_lounge From: nathan_lounge Date: April 14th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
I support it. Let me know if you need any aids to help.
zesty_pinto From: zesty_pinto Date: April 14th, 2010 04:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ah yes, I have heard of this idea. The KFC alternative to the McGriddle. Probably would make a great survival ration, since all that grease would preserve the food well.

I think the whole shpiel towards fast food is hogwash though. It's there not just because it's quick and cheap, but because it works with our society.

Slower, sit down, handmade cuisine is more of an expensive luxury than ever for a culture that appreciates people who adhere to a strict schedule of when to come in to work to do what in their alloted time span and space. When you live in a society that emphasizes time is money, who wants to spend that much for someone to actually bake the bread and grill the patty unless it's to impress people that you have the freedom/income to wait?

It's probably yet another reason why cooking is becoming that much more appreciable as an hobbyist's artform these days, but all the same there's a reason why sit down places like Applebee's have their food becoming staler and more lifeless in taste these days.
annan_dum From: annan_dum Date: April 15th, 2010 04:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
"There are many horrible jobs in this life. Emergency room janitor. Sow inseminator. Earwax collector. Sarah Palin's grammar checker. Glenn Beck's fluffer. Republican. New Jersey."

Dear Gods, I laughed so hard when I read that I nearly wet myself.
abmann From: abmann Date: April 15th, 2010 04:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Insemination is hilarious.
From: uss_meganprise Date: April 20th, 2010 06:18 am (UTC) (Link)
While I'm somewhat divided on the actual sandwich, as a nursing mother I am constantly hungery-anything that doesn't walk too quickly out of the way would soon be devoured if it were not for my social consciousness that anything I eat also goes to the kidlet and I just can't bring myself to do that to him, this article did end on a fabulous note.

I really love the line "can you hear me down there what with all of the flames and screaming."
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